Miscellaneous: Today, I snuck out of my bedroom to go pee very quickly, so I...

By kittykat - 08/08/2009 18:02 - United States

Today, I snuck out of my bedroom to go pee very quickly, so I wouldn't wake up my new puppy who doesn't like being away from me. In the 60 seconds it took me to pee, wash my hands and walk back into the room she had pooped, peed, and left potty-paw-prints all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 635

You deserved it 8 111

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Same thing different taste

By lalibear - 03/05/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, I left the sliding glass door to our townhouse open because it was such a beautiful day. Our new puppy, whom we have been potty training, peed in the yard and I praised him relentlessly. He then walked inside the house, pooped on the carpet, and ran back outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 283

You deserved it 7 296

By Andrea Trevor - 30/04/2018 01:30

Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 134

You deserved it 630

By Wendie - 18/04/2011 16:10 - United States

Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 546

You deserved it 8 590

Wake up call

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 00:01

Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 471

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 20:30

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 3 370

By ouch - 01/12/2016 23:38 - United Kingdom - Scarborough

Today, my 4-month-old puppy made a break for it as soon as I opened the front door. I had to run after her barefoot, in just my dressing gown. It was raining. I fell over, forgot to break my fall and skidded along the unsurfaced road. She came back on her own while I was was laid on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 152

You deserved it 1 099

By dirtyfoot - 18/01/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 105

You deserved it 2 445

Bad boy

By Rich - 19/05/2010 20:43 - United States

Today, I let my dog outside so he could pee. After an hour, I let him back in. He just wanted to come inside to pee on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 297

You deserved it 4 620

By Anonymous - 23/04/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After I'd called her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 102

You deserved it 4 176

It's a doggy dog world

By Patrick - 14/10/2012 04:39 - United States - Sulphur

Today, I brought my new puppy home. I saw her sniffing around, so I took her outside to do her business. She simply played in the grass for ten minutes, so I brought her in. She walked in the door, squatted, and shit. She has diarrhea. This is the fourth time today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 685

You deserved it 4 080

ALittleBitCrazy 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 0:59

Nice puppy you have

Conkers 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 1:01

Maybe she's telling you that you should use your room as a toilet so you don't have to be away from her? Just a thought.

Comments

poopybear 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 11:26

That's the price you pay for getting a new puppy. I know.

Nightfallz 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 12:18

it takes longer then 60 seconds for a dog to poop. even a puppy. fake. nice try tho

aback 4

Sunday 9 August 2009 12:57

She thought you'd never leave.

serpicosghost 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 15:52

put the dog in a crate dumbass

sdr_fml 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 16:32

Put it in a crate... dogs don't like to shit and piss where they sleep.

Rydizzle 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 17:03

wow. FYL for sure

fxd11 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 18:38

YDI for washing your hands.

Gadget3440 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 20:14

Surely not an FML unless you'd have prefered getting poo and peed on by your dog... You should be thankful you weren't in the bed at the time

AssOf2009 0

Monday 10 August 2009 1:58

You should crate your dog at night to get him trained correctly. YDI

DiscountKing 0

Monday 10 August 2009 6:12

You said potty-paw-prints. lol

Keywords

Cars Poopoo peepee Transportation Awkward Health Dentist Love Shopping My ex Animals Cats Job interview Clothes Work Miscellaneous Weird Holidays Family Vacation AITA Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Funerals Harassment Relatable Engagement Ironic Food Money

The Top

Today, I lost yet another girlfriend because my ex tells every girl I go out with that I cheated on her. She DMs them screenshots of what I did. I know I’m no saint, but all that was 6 months ago, and it was an accident. I can’t change the past, but I can be sorry for what I did. I just can’t win in this situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 933

Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Huh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 743

You deserved it 17 913

The Top

If a tree falls in a parking lot and nobody flinches, did it really fall at all?

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 103

Today, I'm again stuck with my colleague for another monologue off all her divorces, narcissistic mom, drunk father, sex-obsessed husband, autistic children, and her aggressive dog she had to put to sleep. I feel like I give her a 7-hour free therapy sessions, sucking all the life out of me instead of doing my real job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 135

Today, someone tried to guess my age. They guessed 45, then 39. I'm 35 and just spent $20,000 on plastic surgery to make myself look more youthful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 1 772

Today, I was talking to my boss and he said I was awesome. He went to fist bump me and I missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 625

You deserved it 8 678

Today, my idiot daughter used my wax warmer to try to give herself a bikini wax using old crayons. Not sure which YouTube idiot she learned it from, but the stench of melted crayon, burnt hair, and singed flesh isn’t a smell I’ll soon be forgetting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 654

You deserved it 245

Today, I told my friend that I don't like spending time around one of her other friends. He's a hardcore Trumpist, who goes out of his way to make people uncomfortable, and be as cruel as possible at every opportunity. She uninvited me from our weekly game nights, because, "He's lonely and depressed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 375

Same thing different taste

Wake up call

Bad boy

It's a doggy dog world

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