Animals: Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind.... - FML

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By AnRom - 17/12/2009 09:58 - United States

Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 609

You deserved it 43 989

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Same thing different taste

By scarred4life - 27/04/2011 14:05 - Canada

Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 841

You deserved it 19 102

By Jesus - 27/09/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 264

You deserved it 32 012

By Anonytard - 02/03/2014 22:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 712

You deserved it 15 133

By Steffi3 - 14/05/2016 16:29 - United States

Today, there was a spider in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 72

By jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 293

You deserved it 14 266

By pinkXpress1023 - 08/07/2013 18:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 125

You deserved it 4 989

By OuchImAMoron - 29/11/2013 02:05 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 459

You deserved it 46 729

By lexii - 05/05/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 745

You deserved it 30 895

Freaked

By AussieGirl - 21/11/2009 11:40 - Australia

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 183

You deserved it 4 031

By eebie jeebies - 30/05/2016 15:31 - United States - Cypress

Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 487

You deserved it 3 185

Next

Top comments

rhodium 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 16:12

Even wizards need to mutter a spell, you know...

Anteezy 7

Thursday 17 December 2009 16:15

FYL for not having supernatural powers.

Comments

Ferreiro 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 16:37

The force is weak in you, my young padawan Why the F would you want to try to kill a spider with your mind xD

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

Thursday 17 December 2009 16:44

YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!

patticake1601 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 16:46

FML for having to read this crap today

cornsnake 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 16:46

the men who stared at goats couldn't do it and you have a lesser chance if possible. try to kill it with something you do have.

Mirandy 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 16:47

Wtf? Haha, you're bored...

silbern 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 16:52

YDI for being retarded

musicislife1995_fml 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 16:54

lol how awesome :) I can imagine what your reaction would be if it worked

NSZ 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 16:55

I officially love you, I'd ask you to marry me but im really not into the whole woman/woman thing. Shame, isnt it?

polico_wolf 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 20:38

you and your Soul. Mate. could still get married in your waldo shaped fort while wearing harry potter snuggies with your awesome family. It would be the Best. Day. Ever. for you and the quiet kid who says "thats what she said" without skipping a beat.

loat 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 16:59

This is amazing, not bad.

Mentalmarshall 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 17:00

Did it work?

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He says he can’t be with someone who doesn’t love his dog as much as he does. I told him that I have absolutely no problem with the dog being in the room, but it makes me uncomfortable when the dog is on the bed while we have sex. Apparently, that’s unreasonable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 768

You deserved it 164

Today, I invited a friend over for dinner and spent hours preparing a fancy meal. When I opened the door, he walked in with his new girlfriend, his mom, his sister, and his dog. I barely had enough food for one, let alone five. I ended up serving my fancy meal on paper plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 76

The Top

Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 786

You deserved it 2 830

Today, my sister decided to wake me up by pumping handwash into my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 042

You deserved it 3 520

Today, a co-worker asked me what meat we use for the drumsticks. We work in a chicken factory. This co-worker also thought that spreading out the chicken wings more evenly in the tray would increase the overall weight of the product. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 993

You deserved it 270

Today, I was excited to finally take a day off work and relax at home. However, as soon as I was on the couch to Netflix and chill with my cat, I got a call from my boss saying I was needed at the office to fix a major issue. I ended up spending the entire day at work and didn't get to enjoy my "day off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 182

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. We were driving to his hockey game and he was joking around about throwing my favorite hoodie out of his window. While swinging it around, my brand new iPhone flew out of the pocket and the window, getting run over by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 456

You deserved it 7 783

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 492

You deserved it 4 643