Animals: Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind....

By AnRom - 17/12/2009 09:58 - United States

Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 608

You deserved it 43 978

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Same thing different taste

By scarred4life - 27/04/2011 14:05 - Canada

Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 829

You deserved it 19 096

By Jesus - 27/09/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 260

You deserved it 31 998

By Anonytard - 02/03/2014 22:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 704

You deserved it 15 126

By Steffi3 - 14/05/2016 16:29 - United States

Today, there was a spider in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 69

By jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 286

You deserved it 14 262

By pinkXpress1023 - 08/07/2013 18:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 119

You deserved it 4 989

By OuchImAMoron - 29/11/2013 02:05 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 456

You deserved it 46 719

By lexii - 05/05/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 741

You deserved it 30 883

Freaked

By AussieGirl - 21/11/2009 11:40 - Australia

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 167

You deserved it 4 025

By eebie jeebies - 30/05/2016 15:31 - United States - Cypress

Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 483

You deserved it 3 179

rhodium 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 16:12

Even wizards need to mutter a spell, you know...

Anteezy 7

Thursday 17 December 2009 16:15

FYL for not having supernatural powers.

Comments

xxreikoxx 31

Thursday 17 December 2009 17:57

Ugh...you idiots followed me to this lame FML.

moogie0221 3

Thursday 17 December 2009 17:57

Is this Tom Cruise ? Scientology is odd

bandaidonfinger 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 18:27

Not FML, MLIA.

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

Thursday 17 December 2009 18:29

First off, we are not on the bridge overlapping the Gorge of Eternal Peril, so I can safely say that I don't the answer to that ques... WAAAAAAH!! (launches about 30 feet into the air and hits the ground with a loud thud).

AntiChrist7 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 18:32

Could you from now try to kill yourself with your mind?

CallMeHush 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 18:35

I use my mind to kill spiders all the time... it helps me raise my stomping foot.

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

Thursday 17 December 2009 19:09

"All of you in the room who can use telekinesis, raise my right right."

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

Thursday 17 December 2009 19:14

edit: was supposed to say, "...right hand." I need more coke...

CallMeHush 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 19:30

Did it go up yet? I'm working on it.

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

Thursday 17 December 2009 19:41

I'm currently looking at pictures of two camels going at it, so yeah, it went up...

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

Thursday 17 December 2009 19:48

Well, then how did this video of wrestling midgets get across my screen? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ora35AzLxt0

myk_fml 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 18:46

**** you guys why you have to kill spiders? just leave your windows open for 10 min and they'll go away!!

polico_wolf 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 20:41

I kill them because I have aracniphobia. With my very... very... long pole...

vmimo 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 19:15

How'd it go... F spiders

Rebeccasaurus 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 19:32

Use the force my girl, use the power of the force

zoeeeeee 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 19:35

wow thats all i can say wow

Keywords

Cute Love Surprise Texting My ex Awkward Wanker Intimacy Sex Sleep Health Insomnia Mental health Cooking Food Kids Weekend Parents Miscellaneous Annoying Pranks Embarrassing Work Technology Coworkers Zoom Roommate Argument Cats Animals

The Top

Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to "Listen to this voicemail." I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty, followed by the bed springs bouncing for three minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 829

You deserved it 42 634

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 179

You deserved it 30 205

The Top

Today, my roommate confided in me that she hadn't been taking showers while at school because she was afraid of being in the shower when the fire alarm goes off. She goes home once every month, and will only shower there. I have to live with her for the rest of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 955

You deserved it 1 694

Today, I found out my dog's new favorite game to play: "If you don't stop petting me, I'll bite your balls as hard as I can." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 614

You deserved it 3 991

Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 886

You deserved it 26 222

Today, I was teaching my microbiology lab class as a graduate TA. Some dumbass frat boy dared his friend to drink a tube of E. coli and the idiot did it. Now everything in the lab is contaminated with vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 914

You deserved it 364

Today, I got a speeding ticket. My speedometer got busted a few weeks back, rendering it useless. My father, a former mechanic, decided it's not worth the trouble of going in and fixing it. "Just keep with traffic when you're on the highway; you'll be fine." This $150 fee says otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 157

You deserved it 28 782

Today, it's Mother’s Day. It's also the day I’m expected to pay a very large medical bill due to my miscarriage of twin babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 118

Same thing different taste

Freaked

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