Work: Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working...

By ari - 18/02/2013 22:15 - United States

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 931

You deserved it 3 891

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Hellish - 21/10/2016 04:11 - United States - Gurnee

Today, I started a new job that was highly recommended by a worker there. The same coworker that is now making my life a living hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 741

You deserved it 827

Bad omen

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 05:04 - United States - Kenosha

Today, I started a new job. The synopsis of my training was, "You're starting a job you're going to hate and you'll be fired for entertaining yourself while waiting for us to give you more work. But you're going to love being here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 547

You deserved it 1 920

Cut short

By Technomage - 27/03/2021 11:01

Today, my first day at the job, I went up to my coworker and began to ask her name. She cut me off and snapped, “I have a name.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 66

By anonymous - 12/08/2010 04:31 - United States

Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 777

You deserved it 3 147

By Frustation - 30/07/2012 13:00 - United States

Today, I started my new job, and was introduced to my colleague. She seemed old and quite experienced, so I thought she was going to teach me. I was wrong. It turns out I'm a replacement for her daughter, who used to secretly do all of her work for her because she has no idea how to do it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 889

You deserved it 1 802

By That_guy - 12/02/2012 06:02 - United States

Today, I got a new job. This would've been a good thing, but apparently, the person I'm replacing was very well-liked around my workplace. All of my co-workers hate me now for replacing someone who I don't even know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 548

You deserved it 2 124

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 10:17 - United States

Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 857

You deserved it 1 672

New hire

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Brazil - Jacare

Today, my mom started her new job; she's now my new coworker. She's already told the other girl I'd said she talks too much, and has berated me for not calling her "Mom" while at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 551

You deserved it 2 952

By - Moved Across the Country - 06/08/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, I found out my ex is applying for a job at my current company. She may become my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 605

You deserved it 3 816

By screwedfortheweek - 28/01/2016 23:39 - United States

Today, I started a new job. After being trained on several obscure computer programs I'm expected to use in just one day, my new boss informed me she's going on a week long vacation starting tomorrow. She's the only other person who knows how this program runs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 863

You deserved it 1 491

asleepingbear 8

Tuesday 19 February 2013 1:09

Illuminati?

TwitchingNebula 17

Tuesday 19 February 2013 1:11

At least you don't have to wonder who the office nut is anymore.

Comments

awaydoggy 8

Tuesday 19 February 2013 1:17

tell her to **** herself off

Shilokitten666 19

Tuesday 19 February 2013 4:21

If she was joking, op will have a hard time working and if she wasnt joking op might wind up dead so ur advice is terrible

TheRandomIndian 17

Tuesday 19 February 2013 4:27

Off what?

lilhellian 26

Tuesday 19 February 2013 1:17

O this is an awesome lil prank..

TrinityisLife 22

Tuesday 19 February 2013 3:21

I know! I need to do this to one of the new employees we're hiring xD

ICastillo 24

Tuesday 19 February 2013 5:58

#14 OP should have said "I will break you" in a Drago voice. That would have been epic.

laya_fml 26

Tuesday 19 February 2013 1:24

Am I crazy or is that a line from a movie?

TheRandomIndian 17

Tuesday 19 February 2013 4:28

Both

noelasis94 18

Tuesday 19 February 2013 1:26

Now how does that make you feel? Hopefully good because someone took an interest in your life that's always a day booster good for you to have a once secret now openly admirer

Lionesse 15

Tuesday 19 February 2013 1:44

I bet that's the excuse stalkers give the police when they are caught or in trouble. "Uh, yeah, I was just trying to boost her day and make her feel special that I took an interest in her and let her know that I am openly admiring her, nothing creepy at all Officer."

Vanillanougat 14

Tuesday 19 February 2013 1:26

You got lucky, only amateur assassins blow thier cover like that.

misspennycakes 7

Tuesday 19 February 2013 1:30

It's called a joke

rachel_h 14

Tuesday 19 February 2013 1:31

Creep.

PenguinBitch 43

Tuesday 19 February 2013 1:32

Tell that you're not in any way associated with the KGB. If that doesn't work then reply with some lame shit like: "No, I'm here to destroy youuuuuuu!" And then wiggle your arms to make it more intense.