Intimacy: Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different...

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By Zekrome - 05/05/2014 07:53 - Canada - Markham

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 504

You deserved it 24 073

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Same thing different taste

Cats rule

By Respect101 - 26/06/2014 00:20 - United States - Alvin

Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 660

You deserved it 27 661

By TrulyYours - 07/05/2009 12:39 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 571

You deserved it 5 917

It's a doggy dog world

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Slovakia

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 408

You deserved it 9 774

Social gatherings make me nervous

By Dog lady - 27/10/2024 18:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went to a friend's wedding and was seated at a table with a bunch of strangers. To break the ice, I told a funny story about my dog. Turns out one of the guests is an animal behaviorist and spent the next hour explaining how I’ve been raising him all wrong. Thanks for the unsolicited advice during cocktail hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 203

Life imitates life

By Anonymous - 08/07/2023 22:00

Today, I went to a job interview and had a brilliant answer prepared for a common job interview question, but as soon as the interviewer asked what my main qualities were, my mind went blank and I blurted out, "I like turtles." FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 290

Nice way to put it

By -_- - 18/02/2012 00:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 999

You deserved it 4 095

Blame the pooch

By anamota89 - 11/05/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 347

You deserved it 32 318

Starved

By LoveMeMother - 20/09/2018 05:00

Today, I realized my mom tells our dogs she loves them more than she says it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 580

You deserved it 333

By SwAGkiLlS - 15/07/2012 15:12 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 965

You deserved it 5 079

Dunning-Kruger effect

By Anonymous - 09/02/2023 16:00

Today, I tried to impress my boss with my knowledge of a subject and ended up sounding like a complete idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 1 105

SundayNightSix 23

Monday 5 May 2014 18:47

Oh those Freudian slips..

Amanyyyyyy 29

Monday 5 May 2014 18:46

Nice going, OP...

Comments

spoo 24

Monday 5 May 2014 18:52

Dont feel so bad, anybody who had to listen to the whole thing probably was hearing that message anyway.

KingLewisII 34

Tuesday 6 May 2014 0:32

Or they were trying to figure out what OP's favorite breed was.

conman531 23

Monday 5 May 2014 18:53

**********, huh? God damn, what has this world come to?

ScottVining 21

Monday 5 May 2014 18:53

I hope you cleared it up after.

AH1Zviper 15

Monday 5 May 2014 18:54

Well I guess you're in the dog house now.

gracehi 31

Monday 5 May 2014 21:31

Please disregard the above comment. It was a reply to some dumb ass claiming that OP deserved it for "using unnecessary profanity," which was deleted, and now the above comment made in reply has ended up here.

byefelicia1992 8

Monday 5 May 2014 18:57

You deserve it for being trashy. Unnecessary profanity makes you look like an idiot.

xNephilim 18

Monday 5 May 2014 19:01

So does being a judgmental prick.

cockymofo 10

Monday 5 May 2014 19:31

Is there such thing as necessary profanity?

Pleonasm 35

Monday 5 May 2014 19:33

Yes. In Quentin Tarantino movies.

KissMyAnthia200 12

Monday 5 May 2014 21:10

Ya know,profanity is usually necessary to express how much you love/hate something or someone.It's my opinion,you don't have to care.And seriously,you are a ******* prick! Don't be an asshole!