Intimacy: Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different... - FML

By Zekrome - 05/05/2014 07:53 - Canada - Markham

Spicy

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 494

You deserved it 24 065

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Cats rule

By Respect101 - 26/06/2014 00:20 - United States - Alvin

Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 655

You deserved it 27 651

By TrulyYours - 07/05/2009 12:39 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 559

You deserved it 5 915

By Anonymous - 10/01/2013 12:20 - Slovakia

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 097

You deserved it 9 625

Social gatherings make me nervous

By Dog lady - 27/10/2024 18:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went to a friend's wedding and was seated at a table with a bunch of strangers. To break the ice, I told a funny story about my dog. Turns out one of the guests is an animal behaviorist and spent the next hour explaining how I’ve been raising him all wrong. Thanks for the unsolicited advice during cocktail hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 192

Life imitates life

By Anonymous - 08/07/2023 22:00

Today, I went to a job interview and had a brilliant answer prepared for a common job interview question, but as soon as the interviewer asked what my main qualities were, my mind went blank and I blurted out, "I like turtles." FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 283

Nice way to put it

By -_- - 18/02/2012 00:13 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 988

You deserved it 4 089

Blame the pooch

By anamota89 - 11/05/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 339

You deserved it 32 302

Starved

By LoveMeMother - 20/09/2018 05:00

Today, I realized my mom tells our dogs she loves them more than she says it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 570

You deserved it 330

By SwAGkiLlS - 15/07/2012 15:12 - United States - Milwaukee

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 953

You deserved it 5 075

Dunning-Kruger effect

By Anonymous - 09/02/2023 16:00

Today, I tried to impress my boss with my knowledge of a subject and ended up sounding like a complete idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 1 094

Next

Top comments

SundayNightSix 23

Monday 5 May 2014 18:47

Oh those Freudian slips..

Amanyyyyyy 29

Monday 5 May 2014 18:46

Nice going, OP...

Comments

dave20012 15

Monday 5 May 2014 19:21

Haha uh oh that's a poor reaction..but I'm sure they could figure it out :)

cakefete2 30

Monday 5 May 2014 19:23

This reminds me of that win 4 commercial where they say "it pays to get the order right."

scottyspot 11

Monday 5 May 2014 19:28

Yiff?

KissMyAnthia200 12

Thursday 8 May 2014 19:58

No,dude.Get your **** straight.

RJ4712 11

Monday 8 February 2016 14:04

... Confused much.

Goblin182 26

Monday 5 May 2014 19:30

Funniest FML in a long time.

fantasyworld 37

Monday 5 May 2014 19:31

I'm sure they figured it out.

Vintage_Cola 29

Monday 5 May 2014 19:43

***********

MikeyScene420 17

Monday 5 May 2014 19:48

*********** ;)

stanley15 12

Monday 5 May 2014 19:53

this is disturbingly hilarious

foxwasalamb 24

Monday 5 May 2014 20:03

so which breed is the best for ******* eh?

Cplski 8

Tuesday 6 May 2014 5:31

Golden Recievers

elek2008 9

Monday 5 May 2014 20:14

Thats the kind of mistake I would make, I'm always switching around my words.

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 482

You deserved it 11 506

Here's the latest video from our friends at 10secondtraumas.com, enjoy! Kay Akana, co-founder of 10secondtraumas.com, is also a stand-up comedian in LA. Do go and check out her performances, she did manage to make us lot laugh! ...

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 33

The Top

Today, I sliced my finger on the register drawer. Not wanting to freak out my customer, I stuck my hand in my pocket and finished giving them change. Now I look like I period-bled through the front of my pants. Only 10 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 792

You deserved it 855

Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 860

You deserved it 127

Today, I realized that all the times I checked behind the shower curtain before peeing didn't prepare me for what to do if someone was actually there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 913

You deserved it 4 064

Today, I was driving behind a tall truck when it drove through some overhanging branches. Suddenly, a huge branch fell on top of my car, leaving it scratched all over and with several dents in the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 237

Today, I tested a new drug designed to fight headaches. It had quite an effect on me, more specifically side effects: nausea, dizzyness and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 353

You deserved it 4 770

Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 501

You deserved it 3 993