Work: Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on...

By Andrew - 28/08/2011 22:37 - Ireland

Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 344

You deserved it 8 614

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Same thing different taste

Lawman

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, my boss in my police department told me to start enforcing the "No bikes on sidewalks" law, which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with Down's syndrome, who was so upset he cried and peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 585

You deserved it 14 600

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 14:13 - United States

Today, as I was riding my bike, I saw a bunch of cute guys checking me out. Not paying attention, I then ran into a parked police car. Besides getting laughed at, I got a ticket for damaging police property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 441

You deserved it 31 035

BIKES!

By cwell88 - 21/06/2015 13:29

Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen, so I went to work. On my walk to work, a girl pulls up on my bike and says I needed to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. She hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass before police surrounded me and accused me of stealing my own bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 775

You deserved it 1 777

By TooFast - 21/07/2019 02:00 - Australia - Mount Druitt

Today, after being promised a job and attending five full days of training and induction for a job as a bicycle delivery officer, I was denied the job at the very end of the last day for, "riding my bicycle too quickly on the road." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 862

You deserved it 173

By Chelsea - 27/02/2013 22:39 - United States - Aurora

Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 976

You deserved it 2 670

By RichardPencil - 07/10/2016 10:32 - United States

Today, I thought everyone was smiling at me because they liked my "skateboarding behind a police motorcycle" prank. Turns out, they all saw the open sewer manhole 10 metres ahead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 258

By PC Jones - 20/09/2011 14:56 - Australia

Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 460

You deserved it 3 221

BIKES!?

By Emily - 06/07/2011 08:33 - Australia

Today, I got home to three boys riding bikes out in front of my house, smiling at me. I instantly thought they were checking me out, so I smiled sweetly at them. Turns out they were flaunting the fact that they just stole all 3 of our bikes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 704

You deserved it 12 280

By Anonymous - 13/09/2017 20:00

Today, it's been two weeks since I honked, screamed, and cussed at a cyclist on the road. Since then, my car has been keyed, my tires have been slashed, bricks have been thrown at my windows, and my number has been put on Craigslist as a gay prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 465

You deserved it 5 967

Inappropriate laughter

By josie345 - 25/08/2011 02:07 - United States

Today, some blowhard on a motorcycle yelled at me for jaywalking, causing him to almost hit a dumpster. He picked up and threw an empty beer can at me when I started giggling at the sticker on the front of his helmet that said, "If you can read this, I have lost my caravan." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 162

You deserved it 27 312

Kyuubi1589 1

Monday 29 August 2011 8:48

Do the wheelie. Show em' who's boss!

iAmScrubs 19

Monday 29 August 2011 8:49

Bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when my bike chain break loose?

Comments

Trentkitten 5

Monday 29 August 2011 12:22

Yeah. It means '******'

lizzieislovely 11

Monday 29 August 2011 12:25

Muppet = idiot/silly person

muhilrashid 4

Monday 29 August 2011 12:39

So?

amazinglyHappy 6

Monday 29 August 2011 12:39

Can you say inbetweeners?

dogpup4 23

Monday 29 August 2011 12:41

Don't worry, people starting out as cops get used to it after a bit. Don't let those bastards get to you.

azimeceli 0

Monday 29 August 2011 13:02

Lol imagine him arresting someone. " ok buddy your under arrest now get in the basket "

butterz1839 3

Monday 29 August 2011 13:06

You were probably like Paul Blart but on a bike

Smidgery 5

Monday 29 August 2011 13:13

When I read this all that I could think about was Miranda saying 'Youuuuuths'

amazinglyHappy 6

Monday 29 August 2011 20:35

HAHAHHAHA!! gotta love that woman!

vDisaster 2

Monday 29 August 2011 13:34

**** the police

justanotherbird 19

Monday 29 August 2011 14:39

No, YOU'D be ****** without the police, probably quite literally, in the ass.

KingZant 0

Monday 29 August 2011 13:42

If I were you, I'd learn all sorts of badass bike tricks so you could send a strong but silent "**** YOU" their way.

bullrider92 19

Monday 29 August 2011 19:07

Win them over with awe,not anger.

Keywords

Awkward Weddings Miscellaneous My ex Love Jealousy Friends AITA Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Health Relatable Therapy Mental health Thanksgiving Parenting Kids Argument Covid Medication Ironic Cute Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money

The Top

Today, my laptop was slow so I used my husband’s laptop. I went to the bedroom and found it opened, so I moved the trackpad and it powered on. The first thing I see is a page with redhead porn, and another tab with nude redheads. You know who else is a redhead? The new girl at his job he tells me not to worry about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 132

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 306

You deserved it 3 563

The Top

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 855

You deserved it 9 140

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 678

You deserved it 36 219

Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 857

You deserved it 55 526

Today, I went to go get a haircut. I asked for layers and bangs. She gave me a mullet. My job requires me to be in court on a regular basis and to look professional. I didn't realize mullets were professional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 131

Today, I had to sit through an entire movie where every time a new character was introduced, the guy sitting behind me would say, "My name is Jeff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 100

You deserved it 2 244

Today, after having my tonsils removed, I coughed so hard in my sleep that I woke up spitting blood. Turned out I'd ripped my throat. They had to put me to sleep and cauterize the damaged area. Now I'm in even worse pain than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 507

You deserved it 1 553