Animals: Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever...

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 849

You deserved it 5 440

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 03/09/2012 02:07 - United States - Southfield

Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 460

You deserved it 2 485

Love is love

By Taylor505 - 07/10/2024 08:00 - United States - Ocala

Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 96

By anonamous - 12/03/2012 21:45 - United States

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 165

You deserved it 9 125

By Imgonnahaveabf - 05/01/2012 12:06 - United States

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 394

You deserved it 3 608

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 10:02 - United States

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 210

You deserved it 11 263

By mykhael - 21/08/2013 18:58 - United States - Opelousas

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 131

You deserved it 7 479

By Jimii Liu - 11/03/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 634

You deserved it 3 366

First impressions

By I think its dead - 15/01/2013 07:33 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 961

You deserved it 41 460

Good boy

By This may take awhile - 30/11/2022 05:00 - United States

Today, after a serious argument with my friend about how his dog seems to hate me for no reason, I decided that it's my responsibility to show his dog that I mean no harm. I started off by giving him his favorite treat. He got excited and practically inhaled it… then started barking at me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 171

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 366

You deserved it 35 763

hare 19

Saturday 14 May 2011 11:56

you need to hump him so he understands who's in charge

docscientist 9

Saturday 14 May 2011 12:10

Slowly add distance by sticking a prosthetic hand on an extendable pole.

Comments

Blueglasscup 18

Saturday 14 May 2011 12:20

Wait 'till he falls a sleep and then run like hell.

EvilPotato 14

Saturday 14 May 2011 12:20

with one hand build a back scratcher.

harumph 7

Saturday 14 May 2011 12:28

At least he likes you =)

dezinspaaace 0

Saturday 14 May 2011 12:31

hey, dogs gotta have some love too haha.

dreamering 16

Saturday 14 May 2011 12:36

Soon we will have an FML about someone who lost his butt to a Doberman

please_shoot_me 0

Saturday 14 May 2011 12:54

nice

robc32ca 4

Saturday 14 May 2011 12:56

on a side note... you are doing very good at one handed typing!

DocBastard 38

Saturday 14 May 2011 13:04

Congratulation! The Doberman now has a pet: you.

Gstone 4

Saturday 14 May 2011 13:47

hey doc! long time havent seen your posts! btw whts the picture about? did u take ou that knife out of some1or wth??

carnage1108 0

Saturday 14 May 2011 13:54

In soviet Russia, Doberman own YOU!

hook_em 0

Saturday 14 May 2011 15:45

well I guess you could say he is the pet but the Doberman made that person his bitch more the less

DocBastard 38

Saturday 14 May 2011 18:04

Gstone - yes, this guy's brother though that steak knife belonged in his back. I disagreed.

key_2010 0

Saturday 14 May 2011 13:36

I know a miniature schnauzer that does that.

khaya 9

Saturday 14 May 2011 13:38

You are a dog's bitch.

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Relatable Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

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I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 1 831

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The Top

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You deserved it 79

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I agree, your life sucks 927

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I agree, your life sucks 40 802

You deserved it 2 620

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I agree, your life sucks 31 979

You deserved it 3 977

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I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 193

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I agree, your life sucks 40 233

You deserved it 4 253