Animals: Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever... - FML

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By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 866

You deserved it 5 448

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 03/09/2012 02:07 - United States - Southfield

Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 463

You deserved it 2 487

Love is love

By Taylor505 - 07/10/2024 08:00 - United States - Ocala

Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 103

By anonamous - 12/03/2012 21:45 - United States

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 168

You deserved it 9 130

Not welcome here

By Imgonnahaveabf - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 730

You deserved it 3 690

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 10:02 - United States

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 214

You deserved it 11 270

By mykhael - 21/08/2013 18:58 - United States - Opelousas

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 144

You deserved it 7 482

By Jimii Liu - 11/03/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 643

You deserved it 3 370

First impressions

By I think its dead - 15/01/2013 07:33 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 967

You deserved it 41 462

Good boy

By This may take awhile - 30/11/2022 05:00 - United States

Today, after a serious argument with my friend about how his dog seems to hate me for no reason, I decided that it's my responsibility to show his dog that I mean no harm. I started off by giving him his favorite treat. He got excited and practically inhaled it… then started barking at me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 174

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 372

You deserved it 35 769

Next

Top comments

hare 19

Saturday 14 May 2011 11:56

you need to hump him so he understands who's in charge

docscientist 9

Saturday 14 May 2011 12:10

Slowly add distance by sticking a prosthetic hand on an extendable pole.

Comments

lalalihsuh 0

Saturday 14 May 2011 15:27

Aww he likes you :D

JustinThunder 8

Saturday 14 May 2011 15:34

OP where is your location!? I shall save you! This is obviously a plea for help.

amazinghorseback 4

Saturday 14 May 2011 15:34

if the dog is waging its tail when I growls u r fine it probably just wants some attention and u r the new person if u can get it to follow u around then problem solved

ashleybaby67 0

Saturday 14 May 2011 15:45

this is a stupid FML!!!!

armorf0r 7

Saturday 14 May 2011 16:42

I wonder how long this went on lol

tayza249 20

Saturday 14 May 2011 16:52

The dogs are becoming our overlords o.O

mandyy702 0

Saturday 14 May 2011 17:12

lmfao! I love dogs! show him some love!

TFNLbosox 0

Saturday 14 May 2011 17:30

cute picture

ospeltz1 0

Saturday 14 May 2011 17:59

how'd you type this?

FreebirdIII 1

Saturday 14 May 2011 18:07

Call Cesar Millan. Then learn to be a pack leader.

brookie673 0

Sunday 15 May 2011 3:07

this^

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Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML

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The Top

Today, my car was totaled. It was so new, I haven't even made the first payment on it yet. FML

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Today, my work sent out a fake phishing email as a test. I didn’t fall for it, but because I’m in tech support, we were flooded with panicked callers. People who fell for it have to take training, or their accounts will be locked - which means we will be flooded with panicked callers again. FML

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Today, I realised that the most kisses I ever get are in text messages from my Dad. FML

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Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML

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Today, I finally got up the nerve to leave my boyfriend. We have no spark and quite honestly, it's been really awkward. I planned to tell him when he came in, and I did. After all was said and done, he handed me the roses and new puppy he had bought for me, a puppy that I had been saving up to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 230

You deserved it 1 336