Animals: Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever...

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 855

You deserved it 5 444

Valentine's Day: Love and Maladresse
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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 03/09/2012 02:07 - United States - Southfield

Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 461

You deserved it 2 485

Love is love

By Taylor505 - 07/10/2024 08:00 - United States - Ocala

Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 98

By anonamous - 12/03/2012 21:45 - United States

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 165

You deserved it 9 127

By Imgonnahaveabf - 05/01/2012 12:06 - United States

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 399

You deserved it 3 608

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 10:02 - United States

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 211

You deserved it 11 265

By mykhael - 21/08/2013 18:58 - United States - Opelousas

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 135

You deserved it 7 479

By Jimii Liu - 11/03/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 638

You deserved it 3 367

First impressions

By I think its dead - 15/01/2013 07:33 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 962

You deserved it 41 462

Good boy

By This may take awhile - 30/11/2022 05:00 - United States

Today, after a serious argument with my friend about how his dog seems to hate me for no reason, I decided that it's my responsibility to show his dog that I mean no harm. I started off by giving him his favorite treat. He got excited and practically inhaled it… then started barking at me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 173

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 367

You deserved it 35 765

hare 19

Saturday 14 May 2011 11:56

you need to hump him so he understands who's in charge

docscientist 9

Saturday 14 May 2011 12:10

Slowly add distance by sticking a prosthetic hand on an extendable pole.

Comments

dhiran_singh 16

Friday 2 December 2011 23:19

Scratch his tummy ^_^

EffYoLife 14

Saturday 31 March 2012 5:01

That's scary as hell. And I literally laughed out loud at #1s comment

JesseAttack 21

Friday 6 September 2013 22:05

So did I :p

JesseAttack 21

Friday 6 September 2013 22:09

I would've called the owner over or shoved a toy in his mouth...

doglover100 28

Thursday 6 March 2014 22:50

Quickly get up and grab a toy.

jcarpini 3

Tuesday 12 August 2014 18:16

My german shepherd does the same thing. When guests pet her she's fine but when they stop she barks at them.

Doberman101 29

Sunday 24 August 2014 5:51

Dobermans are my favorite dog. Hence my name.

fantasyworld 37

Friday 2 January 2015 22:26

Quickly grab a toy.

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The Top

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 767

You deserved it 5 592

Today, my family and I attended a pool party. I never learned to swim, so I didn't bring a suit. When someone asked why I wasn't in the pool, my sister replied in a loud voice, "She's on her period and didn't want the pool to get dirty!" Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 250

You deserved it 4 696

The Top

Today, I found out that my father has taken my copy of Modern Warfare 3, and re-wrapped it as a Christmas present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 700

You deserved it 3 562

Today, my mother went out of her way to, over completely trivial bullshit, wake me up early on the only two days of the week I don’t have to wake up at 4:30AM, drive an hour both ways, and work my fingers to the bone for twelve hours straight. This is why I’m so soul-shreddingly desperate to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 152

Today, someone left a note on my car, saying "You're gorgeous. Call me. #######." I called the number and they said they saw me in the store I was in, telling me "You were the ONLY attractive person in there." We decided to meet up. He walks over, I say hi, he says "I think I put my number on the wrong car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 065

You deserved it 7 465

Today, my dad has been faking social anxiety to make me feel like there's something wrong with me. How do I know? Because I actually have social anxiety, and he not only shows no symptoms of it, but he also has a lot of misconceptions about it that he would know are false if he actually did have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 180

Today, for the first time in months, a woman started flirting with me. She was wearing a sparkly shirt with "Team Edward" written on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 785

You deserved it 4 923

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 196

You deserved it 7 827