Animals: Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever...

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By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 866

You deserved it 5 449

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 03/09/2012 02:07 - United States - Southfield

Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 463

You deserved it 2 487

Love is love

By Taylor505 - 07/10/2024 08:00 - United States - Ocala

Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 103

By anonamous - 12/03/2012 21:45 - United States

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 168

You deserved it 9 130

Not welcome here

By Imgonnahaveabf - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 730

You deserved it 3 690

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 10:02 - United States

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 214

You deserved it 11 270

By mykhael - 21/08/2013 18:58 - United States - Opelousas

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 144

You deserved it 7 482

By Jimii Liu - 11/03/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 643

You deserved it 3 370

First impressions

By I think its dead - 15/01/2013 07:33 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 967

You deserved it 41 462

Good boy

By This may take awhile - 30/11/2022 05:00 - United States

Today, after a serious argument with my friend about how his dog seems to hate me for no reason, I decided that it's my responsibility to show his dog that I mean no harm. I started off by giving him his favorite treat. He got excited and practically inhaled it… then started barking at me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 174

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 372

You deserved it 35 769

hare 19

Saturday 14 May 2011 11:56

you need to hump him so he understands who's in charge

docscientist 9

Saturday 14 May 2011 12:10

Slowly add distance by sticking a prosthetic hand on an extendable pole.

Comments

smamlatina 4

Sunday 15 May 2011 7:44

omg thats happened to me i was like 5 so creepy

Clouded_Rhino 0

Sunday 15 May 2011 11:07

YES MAN!!!~~

hockeyplaya2029 0

Sunday 15 May 2011 19:10

he owns you now

Sassybq1 13

Monday 16 May 2011 5:39

he's telling you to never stop cus your just that hot and you stroking him makes his boner better lololololol JK.

CxiiBunneh 0

Monday 16 May 2011 7:28

Pet te doggie....

salyssac 3

Monday 16 May 2011 20:34

lmao that's just funny

Chaos5 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 23:50

Next Fml I stopped petting the Doberman and took a chunk of my skin with it. That would suck.

amadan 0

Wednesday 18 May 2011 3:23

Awe cute. You let the dog own you, need to show him who's boss. Then again he's not your dog and your not his master. Damn dogs :-)

Suff0c8r 0

Saturday 9 July 2011 22:41

Dobermans are famous as the ONLY dog that doesn't growl. Research a LITTLE before you fake and FML and get a life

Razman201 14

Tuesday 20 September 2011 16:28

Guess someone made a new friend =)

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I agree, your life sucks 36 570

You deserved it 5 054

Today, my boyfriend, best friend, and another friend went out in my boyfriend’s new car. I was connecting my phone to his Bluetooth so we could play music. I saw my best friend’s phone in the list. He bought the car two days ago. Their avoidant reactions and my boyfriend trying to change the subject said it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 84

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 38 106

You deserved it 66 133

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I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 92

Today, there were some wasps getting in my bedroom from a hole in the frame of my window. I went outside with some spray and took out their entrance. What I didnt know is that when you spray wasps, they go the other direction. I now have 60+ wasps flying around my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 330

You deserved it 26 002

Today, I decided at age 18 that it's time to put into storage the picture books that have been collecting dust in my room for nearly a decade. My mother took this as a sign that I'm planning to move out and abandon her forever, and has been crying for the last four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 081

You deserved it 2 931

Today, during a job interview, I was offered a sandwich. I politely declined, explaining that I'm a coeliac and would probably get very sick. He said coeliac disease "isn't real" and that gluten-free eating is just a fad. I had to leave when he kept pushing me to accept it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 797

You deserved it 3 922

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 534

You deserved it 10 425