Work: Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her...

By cock blocked - 22/04/2015 15:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 145

You deserved it 2 474

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

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Same thing different taste

By :(( - 25/04/2012 18:46 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 922

You deserved it 2 397

Mega creep

By Anonymous - 30/12/2019 18:00

Today, I met a new guy at work who wouldn't stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six-hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me that he was her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 175

You deserved it 205

By Anonymous - 16/08/2017 13:00

Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 197

You deserved it 285

By TmWhisp - 13/05/2016 10:02 - United States

Today, I found out what my husband meant when he said he "accidentally installed an indoor pool" last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 51

By TheDeathguard - 20/07/2017 20:05

Today, a couple yelled at me and reported me to the homeowner association for "watching them make out" at the pool. I'm the lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 705

You deserved it 293

Nice.

By crunch time - 01/01/2018 19:30 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 119

You deserved it 6 663

Leave them alone

By Anonymous - 23/07/2009 11:13 - Greece

Today, I said to our pool-boy, "I know what you're doing, and you have to stop it." He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 632

You deserved it 8 831

STOP!

By lamelifeguard - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Morrison

Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 097

You deserved it 4 473

Funny guy

By stillembarrassed - 06/08/2013 17:01 - United Kingdom

Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 433

You deserved it 6 688

By babyeaternomnom - 30/06/2012 16:22 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I caught my elderly neighbour skinny-dipping in my pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 887

You deserved it 2 326

MyDadLeftMeInKFC 21

Thursday 23 April 2015 0:40

Just don't let him catch you trying to clean her filter.

gladlily 16

Thursday 23 April 2015 0:41

I feel sorry for the wife for more reasons than one if he thinks that **** is a realistic depiction of anything...

Comments

munchly 17

Thursday 23 April 2015 5:30

You should try for the husband! Change things up a bit

kavyashahs 16

Thursday 23 April 2015 6:43

You'll are gonna have a threesome

Miss_Whipped 43

Friday 24 April 2015 12:42

Reading this was painful.

an3ph 20

Thursday 23 April 2015 7:21

How exactly do you know this is a ****-induced paranoia? Hmm?

davek 36

Thursday 23 April 2015 7:28

Did you deliver a pizza with extra sausage?

LevyLove 17

Thursday 23 April 2015 7:33

He probably won't even let her order pizza either....?

LevyLove 17

Thursday 23 April 2015 7:34

Dammit. I just saw the comment above me!

ometzit 4

Thursday 23 April 2015 7:39

Your name being Ricardo and wearing a speedo while working doesn't help too much either...

VbPretend 7

Thursday 23 April 2015 9:41

Just whatever you do, don't take your shirt off.

rozezhazthornz 10

Thursday 23 April 2015 11:12

I've seen enough Henti to know where this is going.

kavyashahs 16

Thursday 23 April 2015 11:26

Bhenchod

Keywords

Kids Money Health Work Christmas You're fired Fat Bodyshaming Customers Am I overreacting? Love Social Media Facebook AITA Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Miscellaneous Education Relatable Students Technology Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 792

You deserved it 11 207

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school that says, "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 746

You deserved it 3 568

The Top

Today, my pet mouse demonstrated that he has bigger balls than my boyfriend, by running across the dinner table and eating off his plate, all while he jumped out of his chair, screaming like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 414

You deserved it 4 641

Today, at work, I’ll admit that I wasn’t in a good mood. I work in fast food, and I went to hand this guy his food without looking and he didn’t grab it. I got frustrated so I FINALLY looked. With an equally as upset look, I noticed the guy didn’t have arms, so I’d just been shoving food in his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 1 362

Today, my mother-in-law started chasing my kids around her house to make them smell her freshly-washed underwear. They were thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 787

You deserved it 1 731

Today, my wife sent me a text expressing her "love and thinking to the future with you, Chad". Too bad my name isn't Chad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 880

You deserved it 266

Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors. They have a four-month-old child and appear to be firm believers in the "let them cry it out" philosophy. The baby's room is right above mine. A few days of trying to sleep through this shit and I'll look like a Walking Dead extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 551

You deserved it 1 577

Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and a few coworkers when my stomach started growling. It was nearly lunchtime and I guess I was hungry. I tried to play it off like it was just a passing rumble, but it wouldn't stop. Eventually, my boss asked if I needed to use the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 122