LOL- it is absolutely the parent's responsibility to teach their children correct values, even at the expense of their fun. When you are a child, school is your job. You don't have to earn money, but you do have to try to earn decent grades, because if you do not you are setting yourself up for a much harder life. An adult knows that. A child doesn't generally think that far ahead- a 14-year-old isn't worried about finding a job that has a decent 401k plan so they have enough to live on after retirement, or whether or not they'll have the kind of healthcare they need with their company's insurance, or if they'll be competitive in a tough job market. They're worried about what is going on right now- whether homework is boring, studying is tedious, their friends are having fun without them, etc. A parent's responsibility is to make sure that their kids don't make mistakes when they are children that will sabotage them when they are adults. Like not getting decent grades, not learning how to express themselves articulately, developing a poor work ethic or horrendous manners. You do this by leading by example, and also creating consequences based on what the kids are concerned with now. The REAL consequences of not getting good grades will be when she has no dental insurance, and starts losing teeth. It will be when she can't conduct a decent interview because her communication skills are lacking, and so is perpetually unemployed, or underemployed. It will be when she's scraping to get by at age 65 because she didn't have enough to both live on AND save for retirement. And these are much, much more serious than a missed dance. And if taking away a dance, or a video game, or a privilege or some electronic device (that the parent likely paid for) is the only way to show them consequences now, so that they don't have to deal with these consequences later, then a good parent will do it. How many young adults do you run into who can't string together a coherent sentence? Who have no ability to show any kind of respect or restraint in social or work settings? Who have such a sense of entitlement that they can barely function in a work environment? Those kids SHOULD have had parents who cared enough to push them in the right direction, even when that means tough love. Any person here who is outraged at a parent grounding a kid from a dance for poor grades is either young enough that they are in the same position of being grounded and not having enough life experience to make informed choices about how important grades are, or grew up without having a parent who was a firm role model who knew how to set boundaries. I am of the opinion that your life was the poorer for it, and if you aren't feeling the consequences yet you will 5-10-15 years down the line, then it's too late.

And everything you just said is exactly why I don't understand how or why anyone could possibly want kids. Being a kid sucks and so does being responsible for them.

LOLOL - I am not outraged, I understand the mother's fear for her child. If you want to use me as an example, then let's use me as example: I got good grades, went to a great university, have a great career, and am in a better position than most people my age. Early on parents were very dogmatic about who I should be, and I suffered because I blindly let them control my life. Once I realized that I alone suffer the consequences regardless of who gave me bad advice (parents or teachers) THAT turned me into an adult and made me aware that I needed to give deep thought about my actions. This happened when I was 11 or 12, and it caused a lot of friction between my parents and I because I was very adamant about not letting anyone screw up my life. Slowly but surely, my parents realized that the only way to get through to me was to stop treating me like a child, and have rational debates with me like an adult - and we all grew because of that. Learning to respect my opinions is the best thing my parents did for me, and in turn, once they developed a rational tone instead of dogmatic one, I was able to respect their opinions. For this particular example, I would suggest the parent asks her daughter to come up with a plan for her life. Including: 1) What grades she plans to receive throughout her high school career? 2) If she wants to go to college, what colleges she will be able to get into, and what potential grants and scholarships she can get with those grades? 3) What career and lifestyle does she want, and will her grades allow for a career that in turn allows that lifestyle? 4) What business she wants to start or what companies she would like to work for and what qualifications does she need for that? Going through this exercise with her daughter will make everything she is doing right now (including grades, drugs, relationships) much more "real" to her, and teach her to take responsibility for many aspects of her life. It will also give the mother great insight on how her child thinks and will allow for better communication and respect between the two. I've met many successful and unsuccessful people who did and did not go to college. From my experience the biggest determining factor between successful and unsuccessful people is internal vs. external motivation (i.e. controlling your life or allowing others to control it) which stems in a large part from how their parents taught them. Treat your offspring as an adult and you train them to take control of their lives; treat your offspring as a child and you train them to look to OTHERS to take control of their lives. THIS is why you see adults acting as children. This is not a 5-year-old playing with fire or running around a swimming pool. She is 14, and she is capable of thinking ahead. Missing Homecoming is a consequence of the mother's action, NOT her own and the daughter knows this. This punishment teaches her nothing about consequences, but it WILL strain the relationship and make it harder for the daughter to respect her mother's opinion on future matters.