Miscellaneous: Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich...

By Thanks - 27/11/2009 23:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 321

You deserved it 49 589

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 14:05 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 065

You deserved it 3 116

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 05:55 - United States - Truckee

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 404

You deserved it 5 441

By Shitty day - 24/05/2016 05:59 - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, while explaining to a group of kids that monkeys are very intelligent creatures, one of them flung poo in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 649

You deserved it 1 569

By foojew93 - 09/08/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 315

You deserved it 3 833

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 08:19 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 637

You deserved it 10 655

By Soaked - 20/05/2010 15:20 - United States

Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 401

You deserved it 4 696

By gbabyy - 22/11/2009 03:25 - United States

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 747

You deserved it 6 902

By LennyComa - 19/03/2017 00:00

Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 591

You deserved it 941

By Anonymous - 15/05/2012 03:52 - United States

Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 942

You deserved it 2 920

By ILoveAnimals - 11/06/2012 07:14 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I went to the circus with my family. When we were looking at the animals during the break, an elephant took my purse with his trunk and ate it. It crushed my cellphone, camera, keys and wallet. After that, the circus director yelled at me for feeding poisonous stuff to his elephant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 772

You deserved it 5 549

TheSuitGuy 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 2:18

There's a reason the signs say 'Don't feed the animals'.

MissGreenT 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 2:19

guess you could say you had a shitty day? FYL

Comments

kevind23 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 7:59

The poor chimp! OP, please stay far away from zoos in the future.

bugmenotmofo 34

Saturday 28 November 2009 8:54

asdf

beritis 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 9:28

i am sure this is the reason they have the sigh : "DO NOT FEED ANIMALS". you're retarded! Congratulations! :)

NorfolkDude 2

Saturday 28 November 2009 9:45

You should have taken a dump in your hands, and flung it at the chimp.

Ninjaface 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 9:59

Glad to see that they're actually enforcing the "don't feed the animals" rule. I have to say, crap grenades sound like quite a deterrant.

Mustardnight 3

Saturday 28 November 2009 10:19

This is the first fml where i actually laughed out loud. Feel proud OP, feel proud. If i could legally throw my shit at people i would rofl go CHIMP. Ydi OP

Emperor_Jim 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 10:37

Wait, I don't understand how that's possible. How can a chimpanzee be "cute"?

Hipsus 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 13:48

Hahaa! OP is a moron. Or perhaps you don't have the "don't feed the animals"-signs over there in the UK?

alpha_beta 3

Saturday 28 November 2009 14:20

I don't know if zoos in Northampton is any different from the zoos elsewhere,but there's usually a sign that states "DO NO FEED THE ANIMALS".You wanna know why we don't feed the animals?Because we don't want pieces of animal excrement thrown at us.

lololol111 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 14:30

lmaoaoao chimpanzees are br00tal there's been a couple occasions where they have taken human babies and eaten them. if you don't believe me , look it up !