Kids: Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop...

By parenting sucks - 01/07/2011 17:42 - United States

Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 596

You deserved it 5 373

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/01/2014 21:57 - Bahrain - Manama

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 714

You deserved it 5 759

By anon - 12/04/2015 10:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 870

You deserved it 2 499

Karma

By Anonymous - 12/03/2022 12:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, my daughter came crying to me that her boyfriend cheated on her. I'd like to comfort her, if it weren't for the fact that she manipulated him into cheating on his previous girlfriend with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 304

By So little trust. - 12/07/2013 23:18 - Canada - Coaldale

Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 463

You deserved it 7 662

By ahhhhhhh - 30/07/2019 14:00

Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 624

Quiet

By Anonymous - 07/08/2011 01:40 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year-old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 667

You deserved it 11 518

Whack-a-Mole

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 02:01

Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 293

By lawdy - 21/05/2017 20:00

Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 480

You deserved it 640

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 05:07 - New Zealand

Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 810

You deserved it 12 124

Daddy's girl

By TooMuchForToLittle - 06/09/2021 11:00

Today, yet again, my 3 year-old daughter came home from a few hours with her father, screams and cries over everything, and when she realizes it won't get her anywhere, screams at me that she hates me and that she wants to go home. I calmly told her she is home, and she screamed, "This is not home!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 200

dolphincheddar 10

Friday 1 July 2011 23:26

don't mess with chuck Norris

WDLfootball 8

Friday 1 July 2011 23:40

Chuck Norris was born May 6,1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7, 1945. Coincidence? I think not.

Comments

paradiseisland01 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 0:13

who talked about chuck Norris?

Scarlettkiss 8

Monday 27 February 2012 9:24

The OP did....did you not read the fml?

Deamoner 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 0:14

Chuck Norris? Yeah, he's an overrated idiot that is very weak and does not scare me at all. a baby could kick his a..

rebelsrock 17

Saturday 2 July 2011 5:21

now OP's daughter isn't the only one he's coming after

ChuckNorriss_fml 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 10:24

I'm coming for you

ChucktheNorris 0

Saturday 23 July 2011 19:11

Do not insult me. I know where you live.

ChucktheNorris 0

Sunday 24 July 2011 4:56

I'm coming for you

jeob1992 8

Saturday 2 July 2011 0:16

chuck Norris is gonna come for 88

Deamoner 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 2:54

He dd already, he went away crying. He's lucky I spare him.

Deamoner 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 2:57

*Spared. sorry, I was torturing Norris

slappygecko 21

Saturday 2 July 2011 6:06

bs he'd kick your fat ass

SlaveToRetail 10

Saturday 2 July 2011 9:26

Are you people REALLY having an argument over this? Goddamn.

ChucktheNorris 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 3:10

Yo 174 IMMA HUNT YOU DOWN AND RAPE YOU

Rickilynn1 10

Saturday 2 July 2011 0:16

She obviously googled Chuck Norris and then hit ' I'm feeling lucky '. . .

SilentTreatment 7

Saturday 2 July 2011 0:18

One time, Chuck Norris had a staring contest with the sun and WON!!! So please believe he's coming after her!

Rickilynn1 10

Saturday 2 July 2011 0:18

3- she obviously googled Chuck Norris and hit I'm feeling lucky. ;)

corje20 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 0:19

what do you expect from her chuck Norris is even afraid of chuck Norris.

TheLetterZero 7

Saturday 2 July 2011 0:29

If Chuck Norris was after her, she'd already be dead.

Aryan_Sheen 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 0:37

don't worry, he's going for you first for denying his agenda.

kiffen 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 0:43

LSD much?

Keywords

Money Health Kids Christmas You're fired Work Bodyshaming Customers Fat Am I overreacting? Love Social Media Facebook AITA Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Education Relatable Students Technology Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 300

You deserved it 14 749

Today, I noticed one of my toenails was getting super long, so I cut it. In doing so, I accidentally ripped it off and it started bleeding. As I went to get something to stop it from bleeding, I got a huge splinter in my little toe, causing a painful infection. I think I should just go back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 171

The Top

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door to borrow my laundry room key. He was bare-ass naked. When I refused to open the door, he tried to break it down. I had to call the police before he would leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 674

You deserved it 3 358

Today, at the beach, a seagull conveyed its opinion of my cigarette by taking a dump on it, putting it out. Seems they have anti-tobacco sniper seagulls now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 470

Today, I had to be rushed to the hospital when I started sneezing uncontrollably and got a huge rash. It turns out I'm highly allergic to a chemical in most cleaning supplies. Great. I just got a job as a house cleaner for a very rich family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 390

You deserved it 3 032

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me during a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 168

You deserved it 4 520

Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, religion doesn't pay for my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 749

You deserved it 6 471

Today, my parents and I were looking for something using the TV's search bar. Despite never, ever watching anything resembling porn, one of the default search options was, "Hot female Asian sex videos." Thank God they have an excellent sense of humor, as they laughed their heads off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 89

Same thing different taste

Karma

Quiet

Whack-a-Mole

Daddy's girl

Top comments

Comments