Kids: Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop...

By parenting sucks - 01/07/2011 17:42 - United States

Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 596

You deserved it 5 373

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/01/2014 21:57 - Bahrain - Manama

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 714

You deserved it 5 759

By anon - 12/04/2015 10:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 870

You deserved it 2 499

Karma

By Anonymous - 12/03/2022 12:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, my daughter came crying to me that her boyfriend cheated on her. I'd like to comfort her, if it weren't for the fact that she manipulated him into cheating on his previous girlfriend with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 304

By So little trust. - 12/07/2013 23:18 - Canada - Coaldale

Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 463

You deserved it 7 662

By ahhhhhhh - 30/07/2019 14:00

Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 624

Quiet

By Anonymous - 07/08/2011 01:40 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year-old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 667

You deserved it 11 518

Whack-a-Mole

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 02:01

Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 293

By lawdy - 21/05/2017 20:00

Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 480

You deserved it 640

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 05:07 - New Zealand

Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 810

You deserved it 12 124

Daddy's girl

By TooMuchForToLittle - 06/09/2021 11:00

Today, yet again, my 3 year-old daughter came home from a few hours with her father, screams and cries over everything, and when she realizes it won't get her anywhere, screams at me that she hates me and that she wants to go home. I calmly told her she is home, and she screamed, "This is not home!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 200

dolphincheddar 10

Friday 1 July 2011 23:26

don't mess with chuck Norris

WDLfootball 8

Friday 1 July 2011 23:40

Chuck Norris was born May 6,1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7, 1945. Coincidence? I think not.

Comments

saIty 17

Friday 1 July 2011 23:40

Just take her to a Justin Bieber concert. That'll solve her chuckophobia.

kittykat1497 7

Friday 1 July 2011 23:50

but then she'll just be scarred for life

dewby98 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 1:29

Justin beiber is dumb and sounds like a girl

Sunny_Eclipse 6

Saturday 2 July 2011 4:11

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

sonic19951 6

Saturday 2 July 2011 15:24

66-better be scarred for life than dead right?

Fmlgirl08 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 16:24

yes but then she'll be scarred for life and will wamt chuck norris to come after het.

lmaoatall 6

Friday 1 July 2011 23:41

they once made chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from no one.

bellakaykid 6

Friday 1 July 2011 23:45

haha that's a good one

sonic19951 6

Friday 1 July 2011 23:41

be afraid. be very afraid.

NYkid2K8 5

Friday 1 July 2011 23:42

Just tell her Bruce Lee killed Chuck Norris. Problem solved!

JesusFishTaco 5

Friday 1 July 2011 23:43

She obviously broke the first rule of Chuck Norris. 1. You do not talk about Chick Norris.

enonymous 8

Friday 1 July 2011 23:44

I catch. nothing like a little beard tickle on your backside

SlaveToRetail 10

Friday 1 July 2011 23:44

Tell her the jokes about him are about as dead as his career. She'll feel better.

lolwtfz 0

Friday 1 July 2011 23:45

Tell her if he does come, Bruce Lee will rise from the dead and kick his butt.

pianogirl12345 8

Friday 1 July 2011 23:45

haha how old is she?

kittykat1497 7

Friday 1 July 2011 23:45

well you did too... HAHA you're screwed XD

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The Top

Today, I took a very expensive flight to New York City for a job interview. I waited in my hotel room all day for the phone call to go to my once in a lifetime interview. By noon, I was nervous; eight, I was pissed. Around ten, I realized my phone was still in airplane mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 555

You deserved it 23 503

Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him "Meow" over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin, and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 634

You deserved it 68 714

The Top

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 966

You deserved it 1 174

Today, I waited until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. Today, I also discovered that my bank account has been frozen due to suspicious activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 835

You deserved it 8 995

Today, my best friend got drunk and told me he's only friends with me because no one else will be friends with him. He then went on to tell me that he wasn't actually that drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 708

You deserved it 155

Today, it was my first day teaching economics to a university class of 150. For the first 5 minutes, a bunch of students snickered. I asked why. One said, "Your zipper's open, but it doesn't matter because your blue panties are showing through your white pants anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 622

You deserved it 1 712

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 365

You deserved it 11 903

Today, my wife and I drove to the other side of the country to attend a swingers party where we thought no one knew us. So did my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 951

You deserved it 2 467

Same thing different taste

Karma

Quiet

Whack-a-Mole

Daddy's girl

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