Animals: Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All...

By Anonytard - 02/03/2014 22:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 706

You deserved it 15 130

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Same thing different taste

By jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 287

You deserved it 14 263

By lacsmac2 - 01/11/2015 14:10 - Australia

Today, there was a huge spider on my ceiling, so I grabbed a shoe to deal with it. Just as I jumped up to smush it, my idiot brother flicked the light off. I missed the spider, but it didn't miss my face as the impact caused it to fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 613

You deserved it 2 684

Spider-man

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 16:00

Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 1 321

By lexii - 05/05/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 742

You deserved it 30 886

By Anonymous - 13/11/2014 22:20 - United States

Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 975

You deserved it 3 736

By Jesus - 27/09/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 261

You deserved it 31 999

By terrified - 09/08/2015 03:10 - United States - Forest City

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 411

You deserved it 2 447

Leave spiders alone

By Anonymous - 01/01/2021 01:01 - United States - Atoka

Today, I took a stick lighter and used it to set a large spider on fire to kill it, as stepping on it could possibly release its babies if it were a momma. I ignited more than the spider, and had to call the fire department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 1 926

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 321

You deserved it 7 652

By spiderwoman - 15/04/2011 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 299

You deserved it 32 193

boombangboi 3

Monday 3 March 2014 1:20

Time to leave and never return.

Jabberwockyy 13

Monday 3 March 2014 1:20

I hate spiders so that would creep me out so much.

Comments

zaise_chsa 19

Monday 3 March 2014 1:26

Well looks like you got some new roommates.

Fr0gs 15

Monday 3 March 2014 1:26

You wont make it out of this one alive

bigwiensch 15

Monday 3 March 2014 1:27

I worked so hard on my pun

PierceTheSquidgy 8

Monday 3 March 2014 1:28

At least you were brave enough to stay and kill it. If I came across any type of spider, The first thing id do is run..I have a huge fear of spiders.

extrasnipes 22

Monday 3 March 2014 1:47

I think running would have been better in this case actually

PierceTheSquidgy 8

Monday 3 March 2014 3:13

True, Op probably should've done that in the first place.

Bentonic 11

Monday 3 March 2014 4:15

Yeah, it seems OP was outnumbered. "He who turns and runs away lives to fight another day!"

Patty410 11

Monday 3 March 2014 1:28

But all it wanted was a hug.

uarudeassbitchyo 17

Monday 3 March 2014 1:31

Good luck :/

dachayke 16

Monday 3 March 2014 4:22

Do any of your comments have a point?

uarudeassbitchyo 17

Monday 3 March 2014 12:22

Can you like get a life instead of keeping up with what I comment ((: k thnx

dachayke 16

Monday 3 March 2014 16:33

No, I just see your pointless comments everywhere. And yes, I do have a life. By the way, learn to spell.

chocolatefrog28 29

Monday 3 March 2014 1:31

And the nightmare begins. Run, OP!

jaellin 18

Monday 3 March 2014 1:34

Ewwwww. I feel creepy crawly now. Sorry, op.

The_Big_Boss 20

Monday 3 March 2014 1:35

The look on your face must have been priceless

Hilda_x 25

Monday 3 March 2014 1:41

Just the thought of hundreds of little spiders running around gives me the creeps. FYL.

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The Top

Today, I was on the subway when I felt like I was going to faint. I got off the train at the next stop, walked to a bench, but fell over and passed out. When I woke up, I looked around at at least 25 people, who had stepped around me, passed out, in the middle of the platform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 115

You deserved it 3 275

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 026

You deserved it 21 118

The Top

Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 133

You deserved it 1 457

Today, two weeks after my wife of 3 years caught me screwing her sister in our bed, and she disappeared to her mom’s and refused to take my calls, she came home to get her stuff. Apparently on the night I cheated, she was about to tell me she was 6 weeks pregnant with my baby. She left for the two weeks to get an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 4 422

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 284

You deserved it 30 206

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 576

You deserved it 4 355

Today, I wanted revenge on my college's drinks machine. For the past two days, it forgot to release a cup before pouring my coffee. This time, I had planned ahead; I put my money in, entered the code, and quickly inserted my own cup. It gave me hot water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 134

You deserved it 6 295

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 866

You deserved it 2 717

Same thing different taste

Spider-man

Leave spiders alone

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