Animals: Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All... - FML

By Anonytard - 02/03/2014 22:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 706

You deserved it 15 130

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Same thing different taste

By jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 287

You deserved it 14 263

By lacsmac2 - 01/11/2015 14:10 - Australia

Today, there was a huge spider on my ceiling, so I grabbed a shoe to deal with it. Just as I jumped up to smush it, my idiot brother flicked the light off. I missed the spider, but it didn't miss my face as the impact caused it to fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 613

You deserved it 2 684

Spider-man

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 16:00

Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 1 321

By lexii - 05/05/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 742

You deserved it 30 886

By Anonymous - 13/11/2014 22:20 - United States

Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 975

You deserved it 3 736

By Jesus - 27/09/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 261

You deserved it 31 999

By terrified - 09/08/2015 03:10 - United States - Forest City

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 411

You deserved it 2 447

Leave spiders alone

By Anonymous - 01/01/2021 01:01 - United States - Atoka

Today, I took a stick lighter and used it to set a large spider on fire to kill it, as stepping on it could possibly release its babies if it were a momma. I ignited more than the spider, and had to call the fire department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 1 926

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 321

You deserved it 7 652

By spiderwoman - 15/04/2011 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 299

You deserved it 32 193

Next

Top comments

boombangboi 3

Monday 3 March 2014 1:20

Time to leave and never return.

Jabberwockyy 13

Monday 3 March 2014 1:20

I hate spiders so that would creep me out so much.

Comments

hawkgirl55555 2

Monday 3 March 2014 4:28

Damnit Elise!

thomcmoore 23

Monday 3 March 2014 4:34

I moderated this as a "no." Sorry Canada.

nevereyes 31

Monday 3 March 2014 4:36

That would have been so cute to see. The first time I saw this sorta thing happen it was bloody adorable.

squideth 18

Monday 3 March 2014 8:52

Of course this is downvoted, heaven forbid anyone on fml likes spiders.

nevereyes 31

Tuesday 4 March 2014 1:57

Yeah, tell me about it. But really I don't see why any one would hate them. Their cute, make good pets and are a needed part of the ecosystem.

DanielsGirl21 4

Monday 3 March 2014 4:36

I put my feet up on the seat next to me the second I read this. *shivers* I would have a difficult time getting away... stuck with walking on crutches. Kudos to you OP :)

Klona 7

Monday 3 March 2014 4:38

What have you done...!? What've you DONE!!!?

KimchiKim 9

Monday 3 March 2014 4:38

They say kill it with fire for a reason, you know

sonictardis 8

Monday 3 March 2014 20:30

The roommate took that statement too literally with the bat.

boredgirl123 11

Monday 3 March 2014 4:40

I would have died. That makes my skin crawl just thinking about it.

thefastnfuryass 14

Monday 3 March 2014 4:43

makin' baybays..

idioticmess 15

Monday 3 March 2014 4:46

time to torch you house. nothing else you can do now.

energizerbunny23 18

Monday 3 March 2014 4:47

I hope you burnt that house down!

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 30 977

You deserved it 3 688

Today, I fell and impaled my leg on a steel rod at work. The first guy to respond to my agonised cry for help must’ve been a total moron because he thought it was a prank and yanked on the rod to see how it worked. Then he asked if I did it on purpose to get a day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 830

You deserved it 225

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 50 911

You deserved it 9 073

Today, I was playing guitar at a party, and girls were into me. I'm alright at guitar but by no means an expert. Some kid who was practically a wizard took a turn playing. He could play almost any song on the fly. He made me look so bad that I've never had so many girls in one room be embarrassed to have talked to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 197

Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 024

You deserved it 4 389

Today, my 12-year-old daughter glued her left eyelid shut with fake eyelash glue. After spending 4 hours in the ER, I asked her why she did it. "I wanted to get Blake to notice me," she said. Blake is our neighbor's convict son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 226

You deserved it 4 390

Today, I was flying home to Milwaukee after a weekend in South Carolina. When I got to the airport, my reservation didn't match up with any flights. Turns out Expedia booked me on a flight that doen't exist. I spent ten hours waiting in the airport for a two hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 482

You deserved it 3 144

Today, I was trying to exercise while having to keep my cat inside. Turns out it’s impossible to do pull-ups when a cute kitty is sitting on top of the ledge you’re holding on to, thinking you’re playing peekaboo and trying to slap your silly face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 217