Miscellaneous: Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not...

By purplexangel - 02/08/2012 17:32 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 876

You deserved it 22 544

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Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By thatchick3333 - 08/03/2012 07:13 - United States

Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 486

You deserved it 6 966

Shocking!

By Toasted - 29/04/2019 20:00

Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 2 584

By thebravelittletoaster - 20/03/2011 20:32 - United Kingdom

Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 362

You deserved it 9 861

By Anonymous - 07/04/2014 17:02 - Canada

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 008

You deserved it 48 797

My home hates me

By Anonymous - 24/07/2015 02:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 251

You deserved it 4 328

Freakout

By Anonymous - 06/08/2013 06:19 - United States

Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 287

You deserved it 9 809

By Icey_dan1 - 10/10/2010 15:16 - France

Today, I tried to jump through the closing train doors to make it in on time. I missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 815

You deserved it 27 628

By justme - 09/02/2010 18:20 - France

Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 643

You deserved it 5 174

Brain melt

By coco1234 - 09/03/2020 12:35

Today, I stood there for 10 minutes trying to fix the toaster, until I called my brother to help me. I'd forgotten that it wasn't plugged in. He now thinks I'm a complete idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 1 449

By BurntBroken - 09/01/2017 13:16

Today, when I realized I'd forgot rice on the stove, I jumped off my chair and pulled off my headphones really fast. Now I've got burnt rice and broken headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 384

You deserved it 1 517

sporty1200xlr 6

Friday 3 August 2012 0:41

You would be a fun friend to mess with.

olpally 32

Friday 3 August 2012 0:45

That toester just trolled you... Lol. Toester-1 you-0

Comments

j_cat187 19

Friday 3 August 2012 2:57

You know what they say; All toasters, toast toast! Toasty!

jamalamadingdong 18

Friday 3 August 2012 5:51

Actually, toasters toast bread :/

j_cat187 19

Saturday 4 August 2012 6:00

I was referencing Final Spaghetti 2.

govan1107 1

Friday 3 August 2012 3:03

Bad dog !!!!!!

grudger 14

Friday 3 August 2012 3:07

Now it's a toester

88vivera 9

Friday 3 August 2012 3:29

That's funny!

Brelywi 15

Friday 3 August 2012 3:30

You're very odd.

dennisisgood100 7

Friday 3 August 2012 3:33

I tried resisting that too :p

uumlaut_strohson 3

Friday 3 August 2012 3:47

are you sure you should be using kitchen appliances at all?

TourettesGuyFTW 25

Friday 3 August 2012 4:02

Badketball is quite obviously the opposite of goodketball. Duh!

Djasso19 3

Friday 3 August 2012 4:18

if I had a penny for every time I tried this Smh -___-

KiddNYC1O 20

Friday 3 August 2012 4:32

You'd have a few dollars? Now if you had a nickel...

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Friday 3 August 2012 4:45

Few = 3 300 pennies 300x5 = 800 He'd have $8. God, I need a life.

reject214 10

Friday 3 August 2012 4:40

Try some decaf for god's sake.

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend talked me into wearing vibrating underwear in public and of course we bumped into my mom shopping, and of course he chose that moment to turn them on with the remote. The vibrating was way louder than we were expecting, and my mom just walked away shaking her head at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 2 551

Today, my sister bought my five year-old son a giant ant farm for his birthday. We set it in the living room on a table. I went into the kitchen for a minute, and when I walked back in to the living room, my son was holding the empty case over his head, smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 175

You deserved it 7 970

The Top

Today, I'm so bad at people skills when I got a call to set up a job interview, I weirded the lady out so much that she trailed off when talking about emailing me a time. This took 2 minutes to achieve. A new record. I still haven't got an email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 469

You deserved it 457

Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 125

You deserved it 1 727

Today, my boss at my new job asked whether I was fitting in OK. The company is Swedish, so as a joke, I said that at home I now serve all my food as a smorgasbord, chew on fermented herring and Daim chocolate bars, and buy all my furniture at Ikea. She didn't see the funny side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 401

You deserved it 35 170

Today, I saw my girlfriend with an older guy who I thought was her dad, I went over to introduce myself. And then turned around and walked away very fast as I saw them make out. My girlfriend is cheating on me with someone as old as my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 707

You deserved it 3 128

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, because I was apparently "too good" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 98

Today, it's cold and rainy. I would like nothing more than to drink hot chocolate and watch a movie with the woman I love; the same woman who cheated on me and took the TV with her when she left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 393

You deserved it 4 026