Love: Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched...

By jobless - 20/01/2009 16:52 - France

Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched my penis twice. Once by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 058

You deserved it 12 986

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anon - 30/01/2009 11:39 - Canada

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 342

You deserved it 7 441

By hjgjh - 27/04/2009 06:14 - United States

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 595

You deserved it 23 398

Excuses, excuses

By Anonymous - 31/10/2022 02:00

Today, I saw a girl making out with presumably her boyfriend. This wouldn’t be a problem if she hadn’t told me she was asexual and didn’t like to be touched. The worst part is this isn’t even the first time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 347

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 617

You deserved it 7 746

By KWM - 12/02/2009 13:28 - United States

Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 138

You deserved it 39 065

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 176

You deserved it 312

By oops - 19/11/2014 17:03 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 108

You deserved it 8 354

By Anonymous - 04/02/2013 17:17 - United States - Durham

Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 416

You deserved it 3 890

By 20month dry spell - 27/09/2018 03:00

Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 781

You deserved it 1 388

By ImaSneakyNinja - 17/11/2016 02:55 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I asked a girl that I've been talking to for a couple of weeks out, but immediately got rejected because I'm left handed. I guess I'll leave that part out next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 752

You deserved it 835

infantrygirl 0

Monday 9 February 2009 18:49

Oh, shut up. If you can't stand to be with a girl who has morals, you don't deserve her.

popcorn_fml 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 1:18

it may be hard for some of you to believe but you CAN have a relationship without sex.

Comments

Dogluvr1197 30

Thursday 16 January 2014 23:09

You're a jerk.

Harvick 10

Saturday 1 February 2014 17:04

It was probably because your penis was to small Lol :-P

ruchg1 5

Wednesday 12 February 2014 20:33

You shouldn't have sex before marriage.

Lunasis 14

Saturday 3 May 2014 9:23

aww poor baby D: maybe she'll kiss it and make it... oh wait a second

cna1216 15

Friday 8 August 2014 4:26

Newsflash: not every girl wants to go all the way or even touch THAT.

valdania 18

Friday 8 August 2014 5:03

Boo ******* hoo. She can wait till marriage if she wants. Don't be a dick

joechef99 17

Wednesday 20 August 2014 5:45

Maybe you're married and didn't know it

jessiejamesp 11

Tuesday 25 November 2014 8:14

Maybe she's not ready yet doesn't mean these anything wrong with her. When she's good and ready it will happen

TBfml15 9

Tuesday 30 December 2014 7:19

Calm your testicles Ron Jeremy! Lmao.

Mattanatior 11

Sunday 12 April 2015 3:59

Yeah well if you only want a girl for sex find a **** how about you stop being a greedy person

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I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 23

Here's the latest video from our friends at 10secondtraumas.com, enjoy! Kay Akana, co-founder of 10secondtraumas.com, is also a stand-up comedian in LA. Do go and check out her performances, she did manage to make us lot laugh! ...

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 33

The Top

Today, I was locked out of my house so I texted my cousin to come over and help me get in. She came over, stood on a chair and lifted me through the smallest unlocked window possible. Sadly, this was my bathroom window and I ended up head-first into my toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 680

You deserved it 9 994

Today, I went to the DMV for my second attempt to get my license. I did everything perfectly, stayed at the speed limit, did my three-point turn flawlessly, and parked nicely. The lady failed me because I wasn't using the stick shift right. My car doesn't have a stick shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 368

You deserved it 2 973

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 118

You deserved it 10 532

Today, I opened up to my parents about my depression. Their response was to have a very heated discussion about whose fault it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 994

You deserved it 3 533

Today, I walked in on my mother-in-law teaching my 11 year-old daughter how to purge herself using a toothbrush. Her logic is that, “If she gets fat, she’ll never get a boyfriend.” She sees nothing wrong, and bitched at me for messing with her future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 136

Today, my 8-year-old son decided to make some rice for lunch. When we had it, I noticed a horrid gritty taste. It turns out, he puts dirt in the rice to make "Dirty Rice". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 734

You deserved it 410

Same thing different taste

Excuses, excuses

Newbie

Show and tell

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