Love: Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come...

By dude - 20/01/2009 14:01 - France

Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come round hers to get my pyjamas back. She replied: "I'm keeping them just in case..." - "In case of what?" - "In case I want to dress up like an asshole". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 534

You deserved it 28 975

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Same thing different taste

Why would you do that?

By HughGorgy - 20/03/2009 05:37 - Canada

Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched, "What are you doing with my panties!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 387

You deserved it 103 231

I'll get the kettle on

By Anonymous - 22/10/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got locked out of my house while wearing pyjamas. I didn’t have my phone, so I had to ask my neighbour to call a locksmith. She insisted on chatting at me for an hour about her love life, while I sat there waiting desperately for the locksmith in my dinosaur-print pyjamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 177

Looking good

By Alex - 31/07/2024 16:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was expecting a package from Amazon, so when the doorbell rang I rushed out in my pajamas. It wasn't the delivery guy. It was my ex and her new boyfriend, here to drop off some of my old stuff. I'd answered the door wearing an anime onesie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 505

Memories

By exasperated - 17/04/2014 03:14 - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories' sake". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 191

You deserved it 4 621

By meegs - 17/10/2010 00:31 - Canada

Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow my favourite dress for a party she was going to tonight. When I asked her where she was going, she said to a Halloween costume party. My sister is going as a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 027

You deserved it 31 776

By Honest mistake - 18/04/2018 05:00

Today, I bought a tail for my girlfriend to dress as a cat at a hen party. She put the box in her suitcase, then left to catch her plane. I checked my purchase history and realised it's a cat tail butt plug. Now she keeps ringing me, but I'm too chicken to answer the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 426

You deserved it 5 210

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 05:51 - United States - Hicksville

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 943

You deserved it 7 033

By Anonymous - 27/08/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 959

You deserved it 21 612

By Tomtom - 17/11/2008 05:04 - France

Today, I put on the same jeans that I had left in a bundle in my bedroom the day before. A few hours later, my boxer shorts decided to make their spectacular reappearance trick at the bottom of my leg in the middle of one of my meetings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 089

You deserved it 11 613

Dodged a bullet

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 04:00

Today, I went through the stuff that I'd left at my ex’s place and started unpacking it. I found a pair of another girl's panties. We broke up a little over a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 162

maiden_girl 5

Saturday 14 February 2009 16:10

Hahaha! You must've really pissed her off... what did you do exactly that made you an asshole? I'm curious now.

deartragedy51 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 7:58

psh. i should have done the exact thing with my ex. xD

Comments

deartragedy51 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 7:58

psh. i should have done the exact thing with my ex. xD

Finnboghi 0

Saturday 14 February 2009 1:51

I think your ex is a bit of a bitch.

KingOfAmazing 9

Wednesday 27 June 2012 1:34

OP's ex is a genius

mbusey 20

Monday 10 December 2012 3:54

OP's ex is hilarious

maiden_girl 5

Saturday 14 February 2009 16:10

Hahaha! You must've really pissed her off... what did you do exactly that made you an asshole? I'm curious now.

TheCookieComet 23

Thursday 19 February 2015 23:44

The guy always does everything bad even if the girl cheats

daemonsparta 16

Friday 31 July 2015 8:01

he dumped her because he didn't agree oral sex want cheating

sillypun 0

Friday 20 February 2009 22:47

ZIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

tylerlovejoy 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 6:23

shut the **** up you fat ****

Jason_fml 0

Tuesday 24 February 2009 19:24

She should have burned them.

Roll_It_Over87 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 14:53

LMAO

kat666 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 0:50

Ouch!

un_known_fml 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 1:53

oh thats a good one! xD

heykay 0

Friday 6 March 2009 21:56

bahhah. you're ex-girlfriends rad

SarahPicc 3

Wednesday 13 April 2011 4:41

rad?! okay old timer.

may_cause_fail 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 3:23

Did you expect a nice answer from an ex? :D

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The Top

Today, I complained to my boyfriend that he won’t let me meet his family. He sarcastically replied, “What, you mean my wife and kids? You’re a mistress, remember? You don’t get to meet my family.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 1 339

Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 363

You deserved it 5 630

The Top

Today, tired of my social anxiety making me look uncool, I told everyone I was going out partying tonight. I'm actually just going to watch 'Jersey Shore' and pretend I'm with the cast. Something even more sad? I'm really excited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 715

You deserved it 18 235

Today, it's Fathers Day. Both of my adult daughters called me… from their stepfather's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 164

Today, my extremely OCD girlfriend wouldn't have sex with me because my bedroom wasn't "properly symmetrical." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 833

You deserved it 7 289

Today, my family picked a place for my birthday dinner. They chose a seafood restaurant. I'm allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 994

You deserved it 1 522

Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 113

You deserved it 48 386

Today, I finished writing a 60-page essay on the history and people of Australia. Turns out it's supposed to be on Austria. It's due this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 1 497