Miscellaneous: Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing...

By TuteSweet - 12/08/2011 06:17 - United States

Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing but his underwear, spraying ants with ant-killer, laughing like a maniac and screaming, "Die bitches! Die!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 558

You deserved it 4 806

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Same thing different taste

By liilii - 30/08/2014 16:40 - India - Trivandrum

Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 700

You deserved it 6 700

By Karmas3itch - 12/05/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 928

You deserved it 6 772

By Anonymous - 30/08/2015 15:44 - United States

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 579

You deserved it 2 558

Batshit soup

By Anonymous - 22/06/2023 12:00 - United States - St. Petersburg

Today, I was doing laundry and realized that my father had left dirty underwear soaking in a bucket outside for the last two weeks. I informed him that they needed to be thrown out, and they smelled like sewage. It's been over 95 degrees outside lately here. He then yelled and sweared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 102

Eye bleach

By deardaughter - 14/08/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 120

By meeeoow - 22/01/2011 10:05 - Australia

Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 665

You deserved it 2 777

By Deadman - 02/04/2012 13:37 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 898

You deserved it 2 533

By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 095

You deserved it 3 061

By gengiskarn69 - 12/03/2012 14:55 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 975

You deserved it 38 678

By Blood on my hands - 07/08/2013 05:40 - United States

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 165

You deserved it 25 750

Zero22120 12

Friday 12 August 2011 16:11

Who needs to call pest control when you've got dad?

Blueglasscup 18

Friday 12 August 2011 16:11

Cool dad bro. Also at least he was wearing undies? :)

Comments

pianogirl12345 8

Friday 12 August 2011 18:20

At least he's wearing underwear...(:

itouchuser77 8

Friday 12 August 2011 18:20

And I'm sure your dad a similar post on website that end with My Life Is Bro

brighteyes81 0

Friday 12 August 2011 18:27

Awesome dad! :D

vieeev 4

Friday 12 August 2011 18:31

That is so funny!

marryjaneex0 7

Friday 12 August 2011 18:35

i seriously love your dad !

scene_girlie 0

Friday 12 August 2011 18:40

this ****** made my day! that, & watching andy sixx videos xD loll

Kammasaurus_Sex 7

Friday 12 August 2011 18:47

That's really funny. ((:

lena6310 0

Friday 12 August 2011 18:59

Lol dude your dad is Dale!!!!!

TuteSweet 13

Monday 24 October 2011 5:44

oh my gosh he is!!

Sgt_Minty 0

Friday 12 August 2011 19:13

My dad does that exact same thing all the time lol no joke

mileena 7

Friday 12 August 2011 19:21

Lol I love your dad.

Keywords

Weddings Awkward Miscellaneous My ex Love AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Relatable Mental health Therapy Argument Kids Parenting Thanksgiving Covid Medication Ironic Cute Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Work Money

The Top

Today, I wanted to show my friends my cat’s “high-five” trick. I held out my hand, and instead of a high-five, my cat scratched and bit me instead. I yelped, and my friends burst into laughter. I had to bandage my hand, all whilst they joked about “cat training.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 375

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said, "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him every day now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 532

You deserved it 32 701

The Top

Today, my grandfather found my diary laying in the living room, and for some reason thought it was an interesting reading material. Oh well, he found out that I'm a lesbian, then panicked and basically outed me to my entire family. I really hope they have reservations in Hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 698

Today, I called a guy who had requested a free marketing consultation for his funeral home through the internet a couple of days ago. When I got through, the receptionist seemed a little taken back by me wanting to talk to him. He had died and was buried yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 513

You deserved it 2 640

Today, I was messaging memes back and forth with one of my female coworkers and I accidentally sent a picture of my junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 6 610

Today, a little girl walked up to me at Target and asked me what my name was. I smiled and told her my name was Kristen. She looked at the skirt I was wearing and said, "Kristen, can you wear pants tomorrow?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 446

You deserved it 6 597

Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 309

You deserved it 13 363

Today, I couldn't get into my car. In an attempt to get in, I broke a window. As I climbed in, the actual owner of the car walked up. Mine was across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 435

You deserved it 46 317

Same thing different taste

Batshit soup

Eye bleach

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