Miscellaneous: Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young...

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By Cooper491 - 15/09/2011 21:22 - Australia

Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 236

You deserved it 60 923

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Same thing different taste

By djshahso - 26/02/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 670

You deserved it 47 021

Pissed

By TJ. - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - India

Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 681

You deserved it 3 080

Mind melting

By Ashley - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Belmont

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 608

You deserved it 8 216

By horp - 29/09/2015 22:00 - United States - Torrington

Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 683

You deserved it 9 133

By I already have one, thanks - 09/08/2014 05:59 - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 342

You deserved it 3 086

By brokennose - 26/08/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I was at the bar and my friend and I were making fun of this guy wearing a Affliction muscle tee and bedazzled Ed Hardy hat. We were saying how he was the epitome of a douche bag and that he probably likes UFC. Turns out he's an MMA fighter and I now have a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 785

You deserved it 67 570

By JohnFarrell - 24/04/2009 17:20 - United States

Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 527

You deserved it 66 038

By Noname - 20/02/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat from under me while i was about to sit. I fell and everybody laughed at me. During the next class, I did the same thing to him. He broke his arm. He was the star of the basketball team. Nobody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 193

You deserved it 25 124

By Anonymous - 24/12/2011 02:49 - Australia

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 154

You deserved it 41 759

Fight Club

By MyFaceHurts - 03/08/2010 10:40 - United States

Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 859

You deserved it 55 544

Mauskau 35

Friday 16 September 2011 1:08

You're an asshole

Thalankwyte69 0

Friday 16 September 2011 1:07

thats dumb to throw a peanut at him. YDI

Comments

clementine00 1

Friday 16 September 2011 3:12

You are really pathetic. This is your friends FML, not yours.

RensM 22

Friday 16 September 2011 3:16

Great friend you are YDI

Kendall_Cali97 8

Friday 16 September 2011 3:18

YDI!

eurekaroy 6

Friday 16 September 2011 3:22

I hope someone throws ******* peanuts at you.

Red_Wing_Nut44 14

Friday 16 September 2011 3:23

You, sir, are an asshole.

MD_DILF 4

Friday 16 September 2011 12:37

Detroit sucks and you are the asshole!

HatesCrickets 0

Friday 16 September 2011 3:30

How could you NOT think you deserved this?! Prick.

auddylynne 0

Friday 16 September 2011 3:33

Wow. Well that's what happens when u try to start something. I hope u made it up to ur friend.

soccer4life20 9

Friday 16 September 2011 3:38

Who says "lad" anymore?

miZscrZee 0

Friday 16 September 2011 3:39

RUDE AS$ B!TCH. u should of gotten UR AS$ BEAT. I hate people like YOU.

smhlqnick 0

Friday 16 September 2011 3:46

Didn't your mother love you enough to teach you not to throw things at people? You're clearly an idiot.

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The Top

Today, I was at my friend's house. It was dark and downpouring so I couldn't see as I was backing out of his driveway. I made it out, but then my phone went off, scaring me, and I accidentally hit the gas pedal, hitting his neighbor's parked car. Turns out he called to warn me to watch out for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 272

You deserved it 7 541

Today, I came home to visit my family after a year at college. Expecting to impress them, I proudly informed them that I now speak fluent Swedish. Imagine my surprise when my mother said, "That's a useless language" and everyone agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 349

You deserved it 7 211

The Top

Today, I saw the guy I was seeing four months ago, who lives in another state, hand in hand with a girl at the mall. The same one who told me he "doesn’t do long distance." I went up to them, confronted him about it, and demanded to know why her and not me. He pretended not to know me and threatened to call security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 948

Today, I had my first day off in six months. My mother immediately came down to my room and demanded that I clean the entire house. As I was cleaning, she said, "You don’t get to relax. Ever. Lazy ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 115

Today, my wife broke the TV during an argument with her mother, but it’s my fault because I "put the TV in such a stupid place" so I should pay for a new one. Anyone know any good divorce lawyers? Stick the number in the comments, I’m so done with her bullshit and her crazy family of assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 153

Today, I went to my first ultrasound appointment. The daughter I was hoping for is actually going to be boy triplets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 248

You deserved it 1 277

Today, I found out the identity of the pervert who's been staring at me through my bedroom window in the late hours of the night. My parents and I decided to set out a trap for 'him' instead of reporting to our local cop. Turns out, we caught my 37 year-old neighbor in the act. He's the cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 379

You deserved it 2 817

Today, I realised that what I had thought was my dad's default state for the past 17 years is actually his drunken state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 310

You deserved it 3 400

Same thing different taste

Pissed

Mind melting

Fight Club

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