Intimacy: Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this...

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By cumguzzler - 06/03/2009 16:14 - United States

Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 737

You deserved it 11 946

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Same thing different taste

By dlova - 27/01/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I was at a party and spent the whole night bragging to my friends about how I thought this girl was totally into me. As we were leaving, we saw the same girl making out with my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 211

You deserved it 24 743

By Owned - 29/01/2009 00:32 - Taiwan

Today, me and a friend I met in the club were sandwiching this blonde girl dancing, when 5 minutes later she turned around and said that I should get another girl and gently brushed me aside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 929

You deserved it 28 365

By Bliss - 09/02/2009 18:24 - United States

Today, I gave my drink to a girl who I got with previously and started to dance with her. She backed off after a few seconds, took my drink and danced with my friend who was standing right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 020

You deserved it 5 920

By plasticfantastic - 25/04/2009 12:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I met this guy I really liked at a party. We got chatting and then hit the dance floor. We had a "moment" and I went in to kiss him. He shot forward with his tongue already out. His eyes were open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 723

You deserved it 9 625

Late bloomer

By Forever Lonely - 13/06/2023 22:00 - South Africa - Centurion

Today, I saw one of my best friends having sex with a girl at a party. It was the first time I'd ever seen a girl naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 256

By Idontdance - 23/08/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's party. All of the sudden, my friend goes, "Ok girls, get a guy to dance with." Then everyone scrambled to find someone. There was just enough guy-girl pairs. This hot girl and I were the only two left. She looked at me and said, "Umm, I have to use the bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 207

You deserved it 4 484

By Stupid Drunk - 22/12/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 074

You deserved it 49 589

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 638

You deserved it 4 806

By kklaucen14 - 06/08/2012 01:15 - United States - Connersville

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a party. He got drunk and started talking about how his hot blonde girlfriend gives him great blowjobs. I'm a brunette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 089

You deserved it 3 272

By allennn - 14/03/2010 14:56 - France

Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 928

You deserved it 38 554

mcbitch 0

Friday 6 March 2009 20:04

according to the transitive property, you just gave your friend a *******.

Zuriel45 0

Friday 6 March 2009 20:11

Sounds like you and your friend just got a lot closer.

Comments

mcbitch 0

Friday 6 March 2009 20:04

according to the transitive property, you just gave your friend a *******.

laurenheartsyou 0

Sunday 21 February 2010 7:34

win^

ninjacapo 2

Sunday 16 May 2010 5:24

lol thts hot. *shudder

gynoid 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 3:34

Kinky

xgreasexmonkeyx 0

Friday 6 March 2009 20:05

ohhhhhh hot

KenMcGormick 0

Friday 6 March 2009 20:09

your friend probably jealous and joking

omgepiphany 0

Friday 6 March 2009 20:10

LOLL!

lamuness 0

Friday 6 March 2009 20:10

I think she wanted to clean her tongue.

Zuriel45 0

Friday 6 March 2009 20:11

Sounds like you and your friend just got a lot closer.

sabs_fml 0

Friday 6 March 2009 20:13

At least he didn't tell you she was a guy...

pwincessa23 1

Saturday 4 September 2010 7:40

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

chloewj 15

Friday 28 November 2014 22:09

I can't tell if you're being transphobic or simply making an incoherent statement

Kazze 31

Monday 15 December 2014 14:48

118, it's called a joke.

Herby 0

Friday 6 March 2009 20:14

haha, that happened to one of my buddies too

LifeSux19 0

Friday 6 March 2009 20:24

ewwww

Szerg 0

Friday 6 March 2009 20:33

Hahaha!

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Today, I stayed over at my boyfriend's house for the first time. He soon found out about my sleep-talking habit. I started ranting about "electron shaming" and I apparently passionately support their "sub-atomic lifestyle". Yes, he managed to get it on video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 386

You deserved it 3 284

Today, my girlfriend told me she was leaving me for another man. Devastated, I asked what he had that I didn't. Apparently, "a big penis and a stable job" mean more to her than two years of love and dedication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 502

The Top

Today, my 12-year-old daughter glued her left eyelid shut with fake eyelash glue. After spending 4 hours in the ER, I asked her why she did it. "I wanted to get Blake to notice me," she said. Blake is our neighbor's convict son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 228

You deserved it 4 391

Today, a customer at the restaurant where I work reduced me to tears by screaming at me, as I nearly knocked out his 2-year-old with the kitchen door, after he let the little boy play on the floor behind it. Apparently, it's my fault I can't see through solid wood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 654

You deserved it 1 945

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Everything was going great until I noticed a small blinking light on my shelf. It turns out that it was a camera. My mom put it there to make sure I cleaned my room. She saw the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 837

You deserved it 10 933

Today, I woke up, took a shower, made some pasta, drank 3 glasses of water and brushed my teeth. I then left my apartment to see signs posted all over warning us not to use the water without boiling it because the water company just found E-coli in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 903

You deserved it 4 330

Today, I carpooled with my boss for the first time. To avoid any small talk, which makes me really anxious, I turned on my Spotify. Unfortunately, I forgot I'd been listening to a true crime podcast the night before. We spent the next 15 minutes listening to a gruesome murder description before I realized it. My boss looked horrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 503

Today, I was flirting with this really attractive guy on a dating website until he became convinced I wasn't real by my pictures and bio, and stopped messaging me and reported me for spam. He was really, really cute and funny, and seemed like a great guy until then. Guess I'm too vanilla. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 165

Same thing different taste

Late bloomer

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