Intimacy: Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented...

By fmlguy382 - 22/06/2011 08:13 - United States

Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 302

You deserved it 7 872

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Same thing different taste

By itwaswarm - 25/09/2015 21:04 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I was peeing at a urinal, when the man next to me finished up and shook his penis. I got splashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 620

You deserved it 1 755

What the actual ****?

By samrodpuertorico - 13/02/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went to dinner with my friend and his family. I went to the men's room at the same time as his father, and as we peed next to each other in adjacent urinals the father looked over at me and said, "Don't worry, I've seen smaller." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 378

You deserved it 3 042

By DrewK - 14/05/2013 20:09 - United States - Great Falls

Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 888

You deserved it 4 526

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 16:17 - Canada

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 662

You deserved it 11 279

By SadDad - 06/03/2009 01:51 - United States

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 318

You deserved it 4 358

Close encounters

By blarp - 17/10/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 724

You deserved it 2 815

By Jill - 09/04/2011 22:00 - United States

Today, I went into the women's bathroom and was warmly greeted by a man masturbating on one of the sinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 635

You deserved it 4 373

By yepintheladiesroom - 07/06/2014 21:37 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I used a public toilet. After I did my business in the stall and walked out, I was confronted by the sight of a man standing on tip-toes, holding his penis up to the automatic hand-dryer. Doubt I'll get that image out of my head any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 747

You deserved it 5 640

By reedcarter - 04/12/2012 02:14

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 075

You deserved it 2 060

By toosmall - 31/01/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 608

You deserved it 2 609

Livinia 11

Wednesday 22 June 2011 16:08

Would you rather him give you a random hand job?

alicianoar 7

Wednesday 22 June 2011 16:08

Congrats on the big penis bro.

Comments

SoReady4College 1

Thursday 23 June 2011 3:41

I would have pissed on his foot with my shlong

Tyler_Allen 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 3:59

i bet ur penis is supersmall and ur just sayin this for some self confidence

teh_uber_muffin 3

Friday 24 June 2011 18:25

I bet you that Eminem sucks, and herp derp.

sgsox8 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 4:02

well at least he complimented

heyhey102 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 5:02

****!!!!!

fmylifeandursifi 1

Thursday 23 June 2011 5:04

haha well than find a gurl

jewyjenny 3

Thursday 23 June 2011 5:35

How does that converstion even go!? "Wow, sir, what a lovely penis" "uhhhhh"

sblhaine 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 5:46

well if a gay man in McDonalds thinks you have a nice penis...I think you set with the woman

iHateThisLife 10

Thursday 23 June 2011 5:54

can't u take a hint.LOL

bestiebabes_jes 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 5:55

how is this an FML ?

vettle 6

Thursday 23 June 2011 6:23

was it the Todd!?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my mother and wife are arguing over raising our baby Catholic or Church of England. They’re mad at each other and as a bonus they’re both mad at me because I’m non-religious and genuinely don’t care which made-up religion they try to raise her in, I’m just enjoying being a dad over here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 163

Today, my roommate wanted me to try out a new bus route home, I knew it might take longer but she really wanted me to try, so I went with her. After waiting for ages at The Exchange bus stop for the last bus home, we missed it, and had to take an Uber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 174

The Top

Today, I had a dream about sleeping, which is a dream I have frequently. I’m exhausted even when I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 151

Today, I have officially lost count of how many nights in a row I couldn’t fall asleep until the small hours, even though I go to bed early and get up early every single day. I’m the kind of person who needs at least nine hours of sleep to be anything other than useless and depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 163

Today, I was in the store when a man started chatting me up. He was good looking and charming. He asked, “So, what are you, 22-23?” I saw him visibly recoil in disgust when I told him my real age. I’m only 35, he was about 50, but he acted like he couldn’t runaway fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 93

Today, I don't have to set my alarm. I don't have to be anywhere. I can stay up late. But I'm a creature of habit and routine, and having an off day frightens me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 231

Today, I spent an hour setting up a delicate display stand at work. Not five minutes later, a woman barged in with her little kid, who immediately went up to the display and tipped the whole thing over. When I called attention to the mother, she just scoffed, "Isn't this your job?" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 640

You deserved it 3 262

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 428

You deserved it 41 451

Same thing different taste

What the actual ****?

Close encounters

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