Health: Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package...

By Anonymous - 07/01/2012 02:22 - United States

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 040

You deserved it 62 130

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By r1has - 12/06/2016 02:58 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, while chopping green chilies, I accidentally rubbed my eyes. It currently feels like Satan pissed hellfire straight into my right eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 050

You deserved it 4 882

Pure evil

By Anonymous - 07/10/2016 20:22 - Switzerland

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 965

You deserved it 1 173

By firecrotch - 04/06/2010 05:36 - United States

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 806

You deserved it 35 444

By Anonymous - 04/01/2015 10:27 - Australia - Doncaster

Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 166

You deserved it 5 693

Let's cook

By Anonymous - 20/01/2022 08:01

Today, I may be permanently blind in one eye after my girlfriend squirted me with sauce during a playful food fight. She basically used the first bottle she could grab without looking, the extra spicy sauce I make myself that requires gloves, goggles and nose plugs while cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 309

You deserved it 547

By Coldsnap - 12/08/2011 17:25 - Sweden

Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 847

You deserved it 5 014

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 12:00

Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 686

You deserved it 258

Spice up your life!

By Anonymous - 26/01/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to spice up my lunch by adding hot sauce to my sandwich. Little did I know, the hot sauce bottle had a faulty cap, and as I squeezed it, the entire contents shot directly into my eye. Now, not only is my lunch ruined, but I also look like I just auditioned for a role in a tear-jerker movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 06/09/2012 01:34 - Canada

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 930

You deserved it 2 893

By fiery - 24/07/2010 00:06 - United States

Today, I was reaching for something in the back of the refrigerator. The bottle of hot sauce that was in front of it fell and broke. Not only did the glass cut my feet up, but the hot sauce got in the fresh wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 027

You deserved it 4 599

dasteve 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:43

Chillies on your willy!

Agent36263626 4

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:42

At least you know where the burning is coming from...

Comments

ccspanthers89 4

Saturday 7 January 2012 16:38

Couldn't have connected the dots on this one?

demonmonkey 13

Saturday 7 January 2012 16:52

That's hot.

furyise 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 17:21

You do realize that even just getting the juice on your hands and not washing them will actually cause the skin to blister? P.S. if you want to see someone eating a fresh one, blood red, straight off of the vine, then look up 'me eating a ghostpepper' by 'bronthing'. That's my brother eating one..

Okayitwasme 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 17:25

Well, judging by your comment, you are not a chef by trade. So I'm not worried about consuming food made by you. Enjoy your hot plate OP. Every time you eat, buy and cook peppers, you will never forget to wash your hands a few times before handling. I do suggest using medical disposable gloves next time.

zenrael 21

Saturday 7 January 2012 17:45

Why don't you sue them for your own stupidity like everyone else? Ydi!!

TommyRaven 2

Saturday 7 January 2012 18:10

This is why mainly the women should do the cooking.

CrazyCountryGirl 5

Saturday 7 January 2012 18:55

Wasn't that kind of implied? wow you're a DumBasS

diamond69_fml 14

Saturday 7 January 2012 18:56

With you being as smart as you are, just in case you do it again. pour yourself a glass of milk and submerge your penis in it. No joke. PS. don't drink it after. :-)