Health: Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package...

By Anonymous - 07/01/2012 02:22 - United States

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 039

You deserved it 62 113

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Same thing different taste

By r1has - 12/06/2016 02:58 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, while chopping green chilies, I accidentally rubbed my eyes. It currently feels like Satan pissed hellfire straight into my right eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 046

You deserved it 4 878

Pure evil

By Anonymous - 07/10/2016 20:22 - Switzerland

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 960

You deserved it 1 171

By firecrotch - 04/06/2010 05:36 - United States

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 806

You deserved it 35 435

By Anonymous - 04/01/2015 10:27 - Australia - Doncaster

Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 155

You deserved it 5 690

Let's cook

By Anonymous - 20/01/2022 08:01

Today, I may be permanently blind in one eye after my girlfriend squirted me with sauce during a playful food fight. She basically used the first bottle she could grab without looking, the extra spicy sauce I make myself that requires gloves, goggles and nose plugs while cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 305

You deserved it 530

By Coldsnap - 12/08/2011 17:25 - Sweden

Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 841

You deserved it 5 013

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 12:00

Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 681

You deserved it 256

Spice up your life!

By Anonymous - 26/01/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to spice up my lunch by adding hot sauce to my sandwich. Little did I know, the hot sauce bottle had a faulty cap, and as I squeezed it, the entire contents shot directly into my eye. Now, not only is my lunch ruined, but I also look like I just auditioned for a role in a tear-jerker movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 105

By Anonymous - 06/09/2012 01:34 - Canada

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 927

You deserved it 2 880

By fiery - 24/07/2010 00:06 - United States

Today, I was reaching for something in the back of the refrigerator. The bottle of hot sauce that was in front of it fell and broke. Not only did the glass cut my feet up, but the hot sauce got in the fresh wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 023

You deserved it 4 593

dasteve 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:43

Chillies on your willy!

Agent36263626 4

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:42

At least you know where the burning is coming from...

Comments

afulks78 11

Saturday 7 January 2012 8:22

Well that's a given. Dumb ass

RinaVampire31 18

Saturday 7 January 2012 8:29

Should've figured? Dumbass.

RoseTintMyWorld 8

Saturday 7 January 2012 8:31

I feel like that goes without saying.

brun12 1

Saturday 7 January 2012 8:33

That should have been common sense

Wederoney 16

Saturday 7 January 2012 8:34

Or you know... you could have used your brain dumbass.

ih82bl8 2

Saturday 7 January 2012 8:36

WELL DUUUUH

at1325 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 8:36

"Oh it says not to touch my nose or pets, but touching my dick should be fine" fucktard it didn't occur to you that it might not be a good idea to touch other things? What different do you see between your nose and your dick? Just that your dick has more nerves.

McDonaldsworker 4

Saturday 7 January 2012 8:48

Hey #89 Stop hating on OP, You Gotta remember that retards are people too!

Ins_Knie 2

Saturday 7 January 2012 14:00

There are some differences between nose and penis, most notably blowing it...

benderbot19 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 15:05

Can you **** people with your nose?

paetonkristine 4

Saturday 7 January 2012 15:52

REALLY? Shut your fat self up and enjoy his pain..OK??

ThatLooksSticky 16

Saturday 7 January 2012 16:06

Why are you being so incredibly bitchy? Did it ever occur to you that after the OP finished cooking, he washed his hands, and then...(wait for it!) had to urinate? Does holding his dick to urinate still make him a fucktard?

AmbrosiaWriter 17

Saturday 7 January 2012 18:16

Well, considering he mentioned "They should've added penis to the list" I don't think he washed his hands before grabbing hold of his junk to urinate/readjust/do whatever.