Intimacy: Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall...

By Anonymous - 25/04/2013 15:10 - Canada - Midland

Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 969

You deserved it 15 334

Carnival of Disasters
Dive into carnival, where hilarious costumes meet unexpected mishaps. Laughter is guaranteed, mask or no mask! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Is this catfishing?

By Anonymous - 01/04/2023 06:00

Today, I went on a date with someone I've been talking to online for weeks. Unfortunately, it turns out they'd used old photos and misrepresented themselves, and I didn't find them attractive at all. Even I'm not that desperate. We ended up having an awkward dinner and I couldn't wait for it to be over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 203

Nature calls

By Anonymous - 27/03/2023 14:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I was on a first date with a guy I met online. He seemed nice at first, but as we were walking he suddenly stopped and said, "I have to pee." He walked over to urinate on a nearby tree while I awkwardly stood there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 155

Maturity level

By Clairebear - 07/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 795

By Anonymous - 12/03/2015 03:19 - United States - Watertown

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going OK, until he started asking me if he should stick with the site until he finds the right person. I guess I know how he feels about me, at least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 661

You deserved it 2 916

By great. - 02/01/2013 18:59

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 982

You deserved it 3 566

First Dates

By Anonymous - 06/06/2014 22:44 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 457

You deserved it 10 186

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By anonymous - 06/09/2010 07:37 - United States

Today, after going on a blind date with a man I'd met on Facebook, we went back to his apartment. All was going good, until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 775

You deserved it 19 874

By ninja_blasphemer - 25/07/2011 19:24 - Ireland

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 072

You deserved it 7 787

Never again

By Catsfordays - 20/08/2015 06:02 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 948

You deserved it 2 636

By Jaime - 31/03/2014 22:05 - United States - New York

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 395

You deserved it 6 825

DocBastard 38

Thursday 25 April 2013 19:07

You just have to understand Internet dating lingo. "Tall handsome man" means "short ugly freak". "Hot blonde" means at least 350 pounds. And when they actually admit to being freaky, run.

lhazz11 23

Thursday 25 April 2013 19:08

Sounds like he wouldn't need to worry about the condoms, he isn't getting laid anyways.

Comments

bosox17 6

Friday 26 April 2013 1:42

Throw him out the door

cmac86 23

Friday 26 April 2013 2:36

what business is he in, anyway?

Jharrist89 12

Friday 26 April 2013 2:36

Have you seen the movie "American Psycho"? Nuf said!

Inked0803 12

Friday 26 April 2013 2:52

Pof never a good idea bud.

maronofhearts 19

Friday 26 April 2013 2:52

Of course he is a business man his business is getting peed on and he's looking for you to invest a golden shower

ulquiorra102 10

Friday 26 April 2013 3:35

...i don't know about you guys, but I'm still stick on "likes to get peed on"

Wimoweh 10

Friday 26 April 2013 4:04

Holy extended prospectus of weewee paronomasias, batman!

mikepzz 27

Friday 26 April 2013 4:11

Because Crohn's disease can also cause nearly uncontrollable unrination..

Coeliacchic93 21

Friday 26 April 2013 10:35

No it's a an inflammatory bowel disease nothing to do with the urinary tract, I'm suspected to have Chron's and I have never had an issue with my bladder.

c4rpi0 20

Friday 26 April 2013 5:40

You sure know how to pick em

Bcfrmkc816 17

Friday 26 April 2013 5:55

You really can't blame Internet dating on that. You can have the same chance picking one up anywhere. You just happened to get one of the ones that make the rest of us decent hard working single guys that much harder to get a date. I have read of people even getting hooked up with dates like that thru pay dating sites. I am sure you will find the right man for you and he will be a normal guy if I can say it that way. Good luck and don't let one bad apple ruin the rest for you.