Intimacy: Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a...

By humiliated - 26/02/2010 10:21 - United States

Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time. Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 898

You deserved it 4 042

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
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Same thing different taste

By checkup - 15/07/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 310

You deserved it 5 081

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 464

You deserved it 9 862

Fruit and veg

By dan - 25/06/2013 04:22 - United States - Phoenix

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 360

You deserved it 15 386

By chumman - 06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 161

You deserved it 20 925

By galen - 03/06/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 024

You deserved it 27 729

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 968

You deserved it 5 604

By isoheartcaitlin - 25/08/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 372

You deserved it 6 168

By Anonymous - 16/04/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 669

You deserved it 7 421

By Anonymous - 29/08/2010 07:27 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 954

You deserved it 15 548

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 290

You deserved it 4 017

Ilovelife07 0

Friday 26 February 2010 16:17

umm, isnt this two girls everyone?

ohmandapants 16

Sunday 8 May 2011 7:19

precum isn't generally "white and stringy"...

Comments

reggie77 0

Saturday 27 February 2010 2:28

u should said it was baby oil!!!

tman9497 0

Saturday 27 February 2010 3:04

Wait what"The hell"

timk_fml 2

Saturday 27 February 2010 3:14

prob not precum but fat man's sweat -- who cares, just tell her it's lube.

indb93 0

Saturday 27 February 2010 3:34

Ew.

frickity 0

Saturday 27 February 2010 4:06

What a terrible person. And being turned off because you're "too wet"? that's like a straight girl being turned off because the guy she's getting dirty with is "too hard" or "too long" haahha. Seems impossible. But hey, I'm not a lesbian, maybe that's disgusting to them. Just doesn't seem like it'd be that way. Especially if you two were getting frisky. And I bet her's looked like chicken fat too. It's ******, they only come so beautiful.

TapialPaado 1

Saturday 27 February 2010 17:22

^ This. I hadn't thought of it before, but it really does look like hot chicken fat! (Chicken fat doesn't go yellowish until it cools down; when it's hot it's clear, and has a similar consistency). On the one hand, FYL... on the other hand, if she's familiar enough with chicken fat to have that thought, she's probably a pretty good cook!

deathartisan 0

Saturday 27 February 2010 5:22

omfg. I haven't laughed so hard in a while. thank you op and commenters. anyway. fyl op. poor chicken fat

flame1819 0

Saturday 27 February 2010 6:02

Notice how his name is humiliated

Xerofight 0

Saturday 27 February 2010 7:58

so chicken fat looking penis is bad? looks like i'll never get laid :( FML... as for OP YDI for not posting your sex.

Betz 10

Saturday 27 February 2010 8:00

did you tell her it was finger lickin' good?

MoooMooMooMooMoo 0

Saturday 27 February 2010 9:10

If you were that wet that she was turned off it, and im assuming you would have to be VERY wet then it could actually be an std. You should get that looked at.