Intimacy: Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time....

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 044

You deserved it 18 790

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Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 305

By anonymous - 02/11/2015 03:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 314

You deserved it 7 527

By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 885

You deserved it 9 239

By Highnapple - 04/03/2015 07:55 - Canada - Sarnia

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 133

You deserved it 4 527

By Anonymous - 03/07/2013 16:25 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 717

You deserved it 18 644

Waste

By Annie - 31/08/2011 03:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 819

You deserved it 5 301

By soisblueballsdickhead - 26/10/2014 14:25 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 042

You deserved it 9 713

What is it?

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 191

You deserved it 8 221

No gods, no masters

By anon - 31/07/2015 20:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 368

You deserved it 34 712

By Anonymous - 25/06/2015 03:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 498

You deserved it 5 019

alex1432 9

Saturday 28 May 2011 5:54

Well try using more than just your hands??

lilbeast0327 3

Saturday 28 May 2011 5:54

wow u must really suck

Comments

debatingalways 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 10:49

sorry but, HOW can you mess that up? it's really not that hard (pun intended)

Snafuusmc 12

Saturday 28 May 2011 11:05

I guess you saw that coming?

TaylorTotsYumm 10

Saturday 28 May 2011 17:09

I don't think she saw anything coming.

brii143 3

Saturday 28 May 2011 11:29

a few days ago I gave my boyfriend a hand job for the first time ever too, except he came after like 2 minuets. hmmm so either you are terrible, my boyfriend is easily satisfied, or your boyfriend has problems(:

dfens 8

Saturday 28 May 2011 11:47

He was likely thinking of someone else.

tayza249 20

Saturday 28 May 2011 16:24

2 minutes? Wow, you're gonna have fun in bed..

monagro 22

Saturday 28 May 2011 11:56

So many girls are horrible at giving handjobs. DOn't worry about it.

ChiddyBANGr 13

Saturday 28 May 2011 12:07

When your hands dont get it hard, slurp it like a tub of lard. I have no idea wtf i just said -_-

premiermois 5

Saturday 28 May 2011 22:24

That is the worst mental image of a ******* that I have ever read. Leave the analogies to somebody else.

gingerlr 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 12:16

I'm guessing the "you deserved it" votes are mostly guys lol

pitchblease 2

Saturday 28 May 2011 12:53

107- it's because we have to settle, this is how the conversation goes: Boy: "wanna do it?" girl: "not in the mood" boy:"well can I at least get a BJ?" girl: "I'm not putting my mouth on that!" boy: "well how about a handy" girl: "will you stop then?" boy: "sure" see the chain, FYI, next one down is a peepee touch.

Discombobulated9 12

Saturday 28 May 2011 14:18

He should have told you how he wants it done if you wasn't doing it right for him, or at least just said that giving a hand job does nothing for him. He's clearly not experienced in the arts of smex.

edteach 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 14:24

that's so sad... why do ladies think handjobs are acceptable... a guy could do that for himself, don't even have to waste $$ on a date or waste more then 5 minutes of time, at least a ******** if your feeling frisky or just say no so I can go beat off...