Miscellaneous: Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached...

By SoreNips - 12/04/2013 23:57 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 486

You deserved it 13 988

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Sawarski - 07/01/2013 20:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 663

You deserved it 3 299

By civicman - 27/09/2009 02:19 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend when I started to tickle her, she asked me to stop but I continued. She had a reaction, and kneed me in the happy sacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 678

You deserved it 66 264

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 015

You deserved it 7 503

Meow!

By patronuscat? - 05/10/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 624

You deserved it 1 062

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 03/03/2022 11:00 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, I was woken by my younger sister punching me in the balls. She also pulled the duvet off, and dragged me out of bed by my feet and onto the floor. All because I ate her chocolates, which were a gift. I was left writhing in pain in my underwear right in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 2 028

By Ugggggggggg - 06/11/2012 05:11 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 590

You deserved it 4 863

Body modification

By Anonymous - 22/04/2022 14:00

Today, I got a nipple piercing. My girlfriend thought I was pranking her with a fake piercing, because I wouldn’t be "daft enough" to get a real one, and she yanked it off, or rather through, my nipple. Yes, it cut my poor nip in half, and I now have two nipples where once I had only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 359

Jerk

By Innocence - 13/02/2015 17:33 - United States - Amelia

Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 126

You deserved it 3 544

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

By Anonymous - 14/01/2014 16:15 - United Kingdom - Chester

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 976

You deserved it 4 978

osm1989_fml 6

Saturday 13 April 2013 5:34

The way this is worded makes me picture your nipples in tears.

spazz666 18

Saturday 13 April 2013 5:35

"What in the name of Dawkins" that's fantastic. Also, maybe she's just trying to tell you she's into pain. Sure would be a weird way of showing it, but ya know.

Comments

Axel5238 29

Saturday 13 April 2013 8:21

I feel for you op. I had a gf that when cuddling you to bite my nipples through my shirt and leave them black and blue. Somehow I think though most girls don't think men's nipples/ balls are sensitive as theirs lady bits and tend to abuse that.

Dynosaur_dollie 38

Saturday 13 April 2013 13:56

While cuddling to op she bit you? Why was she cuddling to op?

Bibliovore 26

Saturday 13 April 2013 16:37

Did you ever ask her directly to stop? If someone I were dating wouldn't stop after something like, "Hey, cut it out -- I'm serious. That hurts. Please don't ever do it again," I'd break up with them.

Marblecakelolz 11

Saturday 13 April 2013 8:27

Time to do the same to her. lol

paulbrec 11

Saturday 13 April 2013 9:19

That's called a ""Tittie Twister"", and I have no idea why girls do that. Maybe you should do it back.

perdix 29

Saturday 13 April 2013 10:16

You deserved it for deifying a famous atheist. Although Richard Dawkins may be flattered to be your god, he'd think you're just as ignorant and superstiious as ordinary theists.