Intimacy: Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I...

By babysitter - 06/01/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 704

You deserved it 14 353

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Same thing different taste

All shook up

By tongue tied - 16/08/2022 04:00

Today, at work at a beauty salon, I was explaining to a mom and her daughter about how we were going to style their hair, and the processes involved. I tripped over my words, saying, "We’ll start with a wash and a blowjob." Pretty sure from the way they stomped out I might not have a job tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 195

By hala - 16/03/2009 02:18 - United States

Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 567

You deserved it 18 355

Run faster

By Noname - 15/03/2009 19:32 - United States

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 171

You deserved it 79 277

By Stixchop - 26/02/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 296

You deserved it 54 906

By Anonymous - 24/01/2015 14:33 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 289

You deserved it 4 580

By Anonymous - 20/05/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, I was out walking my dog. A cute woman said, "Nice dog!" Without thinking, I replied, "You too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 292

You deserved it 44 876

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 04:46 - United States - Placentia

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 337

You deserved it 2 890

By Anonymous - 17/08/2012 13:31 - United States - Newberry

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 425

You deserved it 6 886

By Crochocinco85 - 13/03/2014 11:59 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was walking through the main lobby at school and I saw someone waving at me, so I waved back. Turns out she was just cleaning a glass door. I heard laughter behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 681

You deserved it 6 444

By Username - 13/11/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I was leaving the car wash when I saw my friend walking on the sidewalk. I pulled over next to her and asked if she wanted a ride. Only after getting a face full of the soda she was drinking did I realize I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 948

You deserved it 7 625

dani22097 0

Thursday 6 January 2011 12:06

then she winked at you

surferchick96 0

Thursday 6 January 2011 12:21

Sir, please, i dont like to talk about my oral gifts in front of the children.

Comments

DeesFMLs 0

Thursday 6 January 2011 16:36

haha love it lol

perdix 29

Thursday 6 January 2011 16:40

And then she wiped off her chin and said, "Er. . . that was just mayonnaise."

Nadinek98 0

Friday 7 January 2011 1:25

LOL

hideyoself 4

Thursday 6 January 2011 18:31

mmhhh... kebap

keshafan101 0

Thursday 6 January 2011 21:57

omg what did she say

momo1972 3

Friday 7 January 2011 0:53

she does do a nice ********, you should try it

jellyybeans 5

Friday 7 January 2011 3:34

op is a woman. oh god. could you imagine that on a woman? scarred for life.

Miguel_32E 0

Friday 7 January 2011 6:58

yo dummy u speeling fuking wrong u put fuming

TheNewGuy03 28

Friday 7 January 2011 19:12

so, pray tell, why did you let the dialogue end there? |the kid|

sexychick12345 0

Saturday 8 January 2011 5:40

WHOA THERE!!!!;)

ryno00005 0

Monday 10 January 2011 10:34

that's just funny lol

Keywords

Shoes Clothes Miscellaneous Relatable Cars Insurance Transportation Health Work Love Cheating Awkward Clumsy Embarrassing Food Animals Dating First Dates Bikes Cute Dogs Pranks Ironic Shopping Texting Mistakes Family Fight Birthday Drunk

The Top

Today, I thought it would be a good idea for me and my colleague to fuck in the bathroom that no one uses. Turns out, the president of the company, who was here for a visit, had picked the perfect day to use it. Now we’re jobless and potentially spouseless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 1 889

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 64

The Top

Today, I'm a graduate of a wealthy public school in So Cal. It astonishes me how many of my classmates don’t see a problem with today’s politicians, or gas, rent, and food prices. I was given shelter but had to earn everything I had growing up. I knew I wasn’t crazy though they acted like I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 128

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 608

You deserved it 6 224

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is getting back together with his crazy alcoholic ex-wife who frequently cheated on him. In addition to this news, I also found out that he maxed out all my credit cards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 708

You deserved it 4 883

Today, I finally got to see my boyfriend, after two months apart. As we hugged, he lifted me up and spun me around like in the movies. It would have been really romantic if I hadn't hit a little boy while he was riding past on his bike. I've just traumatized a little kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 402

You deserved it 3 098

Today, I saw my cat lying in the bathroom. A few seconds later, I noticed that he looked like he was dead. After going into a panic and quickly running to make sure he was okay, he woke up and glared at me. Later, he was sleeping in the exact same position, and I once again though he was dead. This cat, I swear… FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 757

Today, I can't go on the internet without seeing my stupid fuck of a president staring down a US serviceman while deep throating a slice of pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 1 259

Same thing different taste

All shook up

Run faster

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