Miscellaneous: Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university....

By UTRejected - 21/11/2014 13:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 661

You deserved it 3 864

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Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Beggars can be choosers

By Rebecca Palermo - 14/12/2020 11:03

Today, I saw a girl asking for money on the median of an entrance to a parking lot with her dog. Later, I bought a box of dog treats for her. I drove up and handed it to her. She rolled her eyes and said, "How the hell am I supposed to carry that?" I sat there in stunned disbelief with the box she refused to take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 223

By hatemylife - 19/07/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, a group of girl-scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought 2 bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 044

You deserved it 6 954

By anonymous - 30/06/2010 04:05 - United States

Today, my aunt and I wanted to do something nice. So we made cookies for a local nursing home. After tasting them, nobody ate any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 863

You deserved it 6 023

Helper Blues

By Fat and Embarrassed - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Palmdale

Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 208

You deserved it 1 498

By phatkroger10 - 10/04/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, I was selling cookie dough for a fund raiser at an old folks home. One lady ordered a box and told me that she loved cookie dough. I told her it'd be here in 4 weeks, she said "Oh I can't wait!". Not really thinking, as I left I said, "I hope you can make it till then!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 109

You deserved it 66 790

By soccerlove09 - 11/10/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I bought a personalized cookie cake with "Will you go out with me?" for the girl I've liked for five months. When I showed her, she said no, but took the cake with her anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 989

You deserved it 6 374

By bingalingading - 30/03/2015 20:46 - United States - Owosso

Today, I was working at a donation center. I was having a really rough day, so my fiancée dropped me off some cookies. At the end of my shift, the manager told me I couldn't take them home because they were donated and therefore they were "company property." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 506

You deserved it 2 178

By Fatlady43 - 19/01/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 282

You deserved it 6 521

By What did I do wrong? - 04/09/2018 18:30 - United States - Manhattan

Today at university, I saw a girl on crutches struggling to make it up the stairs to the dining center. Feeling sympathetic, I politely offered to help her with her bags, and she declined. By declined, I mean she maced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 945

You deserved it 191

By Anonymous - 09/10/2014 22:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got roped into a volunteering thing at the last minute. I was waiting outside with all these kids who looked hungry. Feeling bad, I passed around crisps and cookies. Turns out we were at a convention to promote healthy eating in malnourished children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 593

You deserved it 6 130

thee_most_dope 30

Friday 21 November 2014 17:45

maybe she meant junk food? or....i really dont know.

201chasew 22

Friday 21 November 2014 17:46

I'm not sure if it was an awkward rejection to your cookies, or that she may be anorexic which is a much more serious problem.

Comments

CaroAurelia 12

Friday 21 November 2014 19:30

If she doesn't eat food, that might be her problem, not yours.

timmeeeee 10

Friday 21 November 2014 19:32

what did you say "you want to eat my cookie?"

dc2fresh 15

Friday 21 November 2014 19:32

how is that an fml if she don't want yo cookies leave her alone

NotDarkKnight 27

Friday 21 November 2014 19:35

Today, someone asked me if I wanted to buy some cookies. My mouth awkwardly responded "I dont eat food." FML

PennyLane27 32

Friday 21 November 2014 19:44

Now I want cookies!

Goblin182 26

Friday 21 November 2014 20:20

New FML rule. No mentioning cookies unless you bring enough for everyone.

CptnWalrusBacon 1

Friday 21 November 2014 19:47

You should've just breathed on her. She doesn't eat food so she's obviously a plant. Give her some carbon dioxide for photosynthesis

cornyrob 33

Friday 21 November 2014 19:52

She could be on a liquid diet or on a hunger strike.

kbug95 12

Friday 21 November 2014 19:56

Maybe she eats people. O.o

josh7279 7

Friday 21 November 2014 20:24

Why is this even a FML?

giraffebear 11

Friday 21 November 2014 20:33

She may be on a liquid only diet due to a medical condition.

Keywords

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Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 510

You deserved it 84 242

Today, my wife and I can’t decide if we should force my stepson to wait when he rudely demands something, in the hope he’ll learn patience and some manners, or just give him what he wants so he’ll go away and stop making us miserable. He’s 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 1 294

The Top

Today, I was home by myself. I was singing "If I Had A Million Dollars" really loudly since I figured no one could hear me. As I'm really into the song, my neighbor shouts, "If I had a million dollars, I'd give it to you to stop singing" and slams his balcony door shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 558

You deserved it 29 231

Today, I hooked up with a girl who had a total Nicki Minaj butt. She wanted me to do her doggy style, and the spirit was willing but the flesh wasn’t long enough to reach more than an inch inside, no matter how much we readjusted. We ended up switching to missionary, but neither of us were happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 179

Today, in an attempt to lower my stress and anxiety, I tried out an anti-stress coloring page on my phone. I couldn't get the color to evenly fill inside the lines and it stressed me out even more, to the point where I started crying at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 132

You deserved it 3 768

Today, I left early from a trashy dance and bought a soda at a Shell station. The clerk asked me if I had been smoking weed. When I replied, "No", he said, "You mean you always look like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 622

You deserved it 5 605

Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 124

You deserved it 58 337

Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 154

You deserved it 5 927

Same thing different taste

Beggars can be choosers

Helper Blues

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