Animals: Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying...

FML for mobile
Free

By dumbblonde - 06/08/2009 03:04 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 276

You deserved it 62 338

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Shinobi_3 - 26/02/2010 17:43 - United States

Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 838

You deserved it 29 333

The passenger

By F.L.Stubbs - 05/08/2023 00:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I was drinking coffee at work, while being surrounded by a lot of flies in the area I was working. Later, in the evening, I found a fly under my bottom denture plate. It'd been there for about 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 145

By GetMeTheDamnBleach - 21/10/2014 19:46 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 519

You deserved it 32 159

By jess - 07/03/2010 14:08 - South Africa

Today, I had a sip of my coffee and felt a lump of some kind enter my mouth. I thought it was a bit of biscuit, and then remembered I didn't have biscuits this morning with my coffee. I took it out of my mouth and it was a huge black fly. I then spat the rest of my coffee all over my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 034

You deserved it 4 694

By Heyme - 09/12/2008 13:50 - France

Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I bit into my pen and smeared my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 389

You deserved it 6 730

By failure461 - 13/06/2011 16:37 - United States

Today, I ruined my computer screen trying to kill a fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 573

You deserved it 41 943

Yummy

By munckncruncj15 - 22/10/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, at lunch, a fly was buzzing around my food. I managed to kill the fly in my napkin in midair. I continued my lunch, pleased with my amazing ninja skills. When I was done with my lunch, I wiped my mouth with the napkin. I can still taste bug guts. Karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 244

You deserved it 36 953

Smurf mouth

By shoeaddiikt - 07/10/2009 07:48 - Australia

Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 256

You deserved it 42 477

By ticked - 06/10/2009 13:01 - Pakistan

Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 558

You deserved it 48 000

Impressive

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 04:58

Today, a small fly was harassing my face, then it landed on a book next to me. I waved at it to make it leave, but it didn't. I got my fingers closer to it, to scare it off. Instead, it jumped on my finger as a playful parrot pet, spent a moment there, and flew off. I cannot even intimidate a fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 206

_rawrasaur_ 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:10

Would have loved to see your face at the moment you realised.

f_my_life88 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:09

Did it taste like chicken?

Comments

americayay 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:21

You should probably cut that habit.

noshitsherlock 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:23

hhahahhaah if this is real, quick reflexes!!! a pen?!

tay7 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:26

hahah this is priceless made my day

poopymonsters 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:29

its not that bad at all i eat flies, spiders, grasshoppers etc. on a daily basis i dont understand how your life is ******

therearesecrets 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:31

Karma.

yourmysunshine 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:34

i hate flies with a passion! that's so gross dude...

YellowHell 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:40

YDI. You disguisting. **** you.

noshitsherlock 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:53

You can't spell for shit! **** YOU!

mayhembaby 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 11:28

hahahahha i love you

lil_cig 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:44

That's really gross. You must be really quick though, next time try catching the fly with a pair of chopsticks :D

Neferria 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:45

Pay more attention next time. And why would you even use a pen to kill it? Use something disposable.

16274692 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 10:29

Egg flied rice.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Acting Relatable Transportation Weather Politics Friends Family AITA Parenting Food Kids Love Mental health Tinder Break-ups Weird Awkward Sex Intimacy Health Periods Money Cars Cats Neighbours Animals Ironic Birthday

The Top

Today, my boyfriend “accidentally” spilled a cup of hot tea on my lap at the dinner table. I had to get treated for second degree burns, because the skin on my lap was heavily saturated with the stuff. Apparently, he’s still mad at me for buying a male coworker a present for his birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 94

Today, it's my wife's birthday. I'm known for being forgetful and she already thinks I don't care. I had some little things planned for today, but her sister messaged me telling me to remember her birthday before I even said happy birthday. Now my wife is crying and upset because once again, I "only act on prompt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 140

The Top

Today, I was sleeping with my girlfriend on my parents' bed naked, just to wake up to find out she got her period, on fresh, new sheets they bought the other day. As I finished scrubbing it and cleaning, she accidentally left a burning cigarette on the sheets so now it has a burn hole too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 2 818

Today, my 6 year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 066

You deserved it 6 211

Today, my husband spoke enthusiastically about his day to my sister-in-law, who doesn't care about us or our family, and who I hate due to it. While I've been trying to get him to talk, ask him questions, and share about his day for years now, the most response I get is, "Leave me alone with my coffee" or literal snores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 115

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 987

You deserved it 5 275

Today, the girl I've been seeing for less than a week started raging and ended up threatening me with a knife, after I shot down her idea of getting married next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 350

You deserved it 3 456

Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 603