Transportation: Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running...

By joyness - 20/12/2012 14:49 - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's leg sexually to creep him out. I woke up and I realized that I was running my hand up and down the leg of the old man sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 263

You deserved it 24 739

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

PTSD

By anonymous - 18/06/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 329

You deserved it 3 772

By needanewride - 16/11/2012 02:40 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 299

You deserved it 3 316

By anonymous - 07/01/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, while on a six hour flight, someone offered to pay me $20 to swap seats with them. It seemed like a great deal, so I immediately accepted and moved to my new seat. I didn't realize my new neighbor was an old man with a raging boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 134

You deserved it 14 025

By bridezilla - 05/07/2009 04:12 - Canada

Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 497

You deserved it 6 861

By Violated - 09/12/2009 08:47 - United States

Today, I fell asleep on the train and accidentally wound up resting my head on a strange man's shoulder. When I woke up, I discovered that not only did he not object, but he decided to return the favor by resting his hand on my thigh. I was wearing a skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 837

You deserved it 19 211

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 222

By saltynutz20 - 07/04/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight I noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 721

You deserved it 8 047

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 279

By G-6 - 07/01/2011 11:24

Today, I was on the plane asleep. I woke up after feeling the plane jolt and I screamed at the top of my lungs. The little girl next to me told me I was a sissy. Everyone on the plane laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 085

You deserved it 30 522

By pandora - 13/06/2012 09:08 - Israel - Palmahim

Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 548

You deserved it 5 092

Welshite 39

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:01

I'll bet you didn't hear him complaining, though. ;)

Pleonasm 35

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:04

I bet he wasn't creeped out though. After a while, though, I think it was less up and down the leg, and more up and down the dong. I think he's ready for take-off. I bet his jet engine enjoyed its four-stroke cycle.

Comments

Welshite 39

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:01

I'll bet you didn't hear him complaining, though. ;)

perdix 29

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:28

If he objected, he could have easily pushed her hand away. He didn't push her hand away, therefore . . .

gc327072 30

Thursday 20 December 2012 21:14

The old man= Perdix in 20-30 years.

cosmosis 12

Thursday 20 December 2012 21:20

Hes just unlucky op wasnt dreaming about skiing.

KMtheDrummer 6

Saturday 22 December 2012 6:48

I originally thought OP was male, which made this much funnier.

JBChristian 47

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:02

Well that would be quite embarrassing, huh?

mzrobinson 13

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:10

Hence why it's on FML. -___-

renjisgirl12 22

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:22

I was just about to say the same thing lol

loloalltheway 23

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:22

I agree with the baby!

Silent_Thrill 17

Thursday 20 December 2012 21:46

#20, I also agree with the baby! Here's to you mzRobinson. Jesus love you mor..... oh god dammit!! Time to go watch The Graduate.

MrPlopper 9

Thursday 20 December 2012 23:24

I like how the cat agreed with the human child and not the other cat

Pleonasm 35

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:04

Pleonasm 35

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:25

Ugh. I don't know why I bother anymore. Whatever.

zingline89 18

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:35

It's okay Pleo, FML is hit and miss. One minute you're flying high, the next you come to a crash landing. Once the down thumbing begins, people like to just pilot on. But hey, I'll always be your wingman. I mean, wouldn't you rudder try than just not comment at all?

Pleonasm 35

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:46

Who nose? It's not fun having the FML thumb police on my tail. I mean I'm a Fighter, but meh.

Dusty_Busters 15

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:46

Well done!

danielnieves 4

Thursday 20 December 2012 20:44

Jet engines don't have strokes

Pleonasm 35

Thursday 20 December 2012 20:52

I like to pretend that they do.

codyjohn17 5

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:05

Wow.... Try to avoid him slipping roofies in your drink. Or as I like to call it "floories" (hangover quote)

biggestfan23 11

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:25

#4 that had no relevance to this FML

sexxxysydney 14

Thursday 20 December 2012 20:33

I get what you were going for. Unfortunately, it just didn't work out.

verkdizzle 2

Thursday 20 December 2012 21:01

Not only did the quote not have anything to do with the FML. But you ruined it even further by naming the source like we're all half-wits. I don't appreciate that very much

verkdizzle 2

Thursday 20 December 2012 21:06

The 'frowned upon, like masterbating on an airplane' quote would have been more relevant here

seandoc 13

Thursday 20 December 2012 21:09

This seriously made no sense..

onorexveritas 23

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:06

hilarious

renjisgirl12 22

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:06

lets just hope he didn't want to return the favour :S

Lauren324 18

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:07

I'm surprised he didn't tell you to keep doing it.

gracehi 31

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:30

I wonder why my comment was deleted. I wasn't being mean to anybody. Welshite, I realize that old people aren't necessarily celibate. Hell, it's not like I've never heard of Hugh Hefner. I was just being silly and making a joke.

olpally 32

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:31

Wrong username welshite... Her name is Lauren. Lmao. As for the fml, have fun explaining that to the old man op, sure he didn't mind at all though. Lol. Edit:: Never mind... I didn't see gracehi there! Whoops! Lol

gracehi 31

Thursday 20 December 2012 19:09

"Today, the young lady in the seat next to me on the airplane fell asleep. I guess she was dreaming, because she began to seductively run her hand up and down my thigh. That's the most action I've gotten in about fifty years. FML"