Kids: Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder... - FML

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By margretlle - 26/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 749

You deserved it 8 419

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Same thing different taste

By Mr.P - 21/10/2011 15:35 - United States

Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 233

You deserved it 3 271

Do a backflip!

By Anonymous - 22/02/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I walked out into my backyard. As I did so, my dogs ran past me, slamming the sliding door off its track. I went to catch it, and knocked the bird cage over. To complete the fumble, as I turned to catch the bird cage, I stepped in a dog turd. I wasn't wearing shoes. We're all okay, but… FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 144

Flash, ah ah!

By Dumb, Dumber, and Dumberer - 12/10/2022 20:00

Today, a bird ran into my window. My overzealous cat ran at it like the Flash and smashed his face in the window. He yelped and ran away, then as I was running to see if he was OK, I slammed my face in the door jamb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 277

By Anna - 15/06/2012 09:43 - United States - Buellton

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 773

You deserved it 51 789

By No Nip - 25/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 989

You deserved it 487

Impressive

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 442

You deserved it 19 352

By birdsterrifyme - 23/03/2015 04:42 - United States - Sikeston

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 166

You deserved it 4 374

By mayhemily - 21/09/2015 16:22 - Canada - Aurora

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 490

You deserved it 2 977

By birdbath - 08/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 899

You deserved it 3 639

By TehUglyLife - 29/07/2013 19:11 - United States - Jacksonville Beach

Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 913

You deserved it 14 202

Next

Top comments

24788 6

Sunday 26 April 2009 13:57

I think they planned that one out. Lol owned

SwaggerDownPat 0

Monday 12 March 2012 4:48

What exactly was the point of that comment?

Comments

kei1108 13

Sunday 12 June 2011 7:40

Haha!! I'm so sorry!!! This just such an unfortunate series of events...

cinderellabarbie 1

Saturday 20 August 2011 10:56

Hows the bird

harttyrelly 4

Sunday 11 September 2011 6:26

Poor dog

Soreeyeah 17

Wednesday 2 November 2011 5:10

Were they plotting against you? Lol

Almighty_Chris97 6

Monday 9 January 2012 4:43

Nobody is acknowledging the fact the this person has a ******* parrot!

MissNicky_fml 0

Tuesday 29 May 2012 0:33

Fake. Thats all im gonna say

gionatorinc 5

Tuesday 5 June 2012 4:52

And this is yet another reason why I have fish...

Headcrab 29

Sunday 21 July 2013 17:45

Are you a pirate?

goth_pixie 15

Saturday 9 November 2013 0:23

Is your dog ok?

Baller_Bob 17

Saturday 15 March 2014 4:35

Polly want a concussion?

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You deserved it 3 086

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Today, I admitted to my girlfriend that I'd kissed another girl five days before we got together. She told me, "That's OK, I slept with my boss last week." FML

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