Animals: Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had...

By chris - 09/06/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 866

You deserved it 10 786

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Same thing different taste

By fmlman - 15/03/2013 05:44 - United States - Rawlins

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 383

You deserved it 6 389

By redmethod87 - 08/04/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 022

You deserved it 6 499

Bad boy

By PicklesMcRaptor - 25/03/2012 11:59 - United States - Miami

Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 711

You deserved it 3 588

By Username - 02/08/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 475

You deserved it 5 305

By psh_idontbite - 13/03/2015 03:55 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog around my neighborhood, when I saw this really cute boy. My dog then saw a squirrel and dragged me through mud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 716

You deserved it 3 557

By emma_waters23 - 26/04/2013 00:11 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was walking my dog. A cute guy stopped me and said, "Wow, you are gorgeous!" I said thanks. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Not you, your dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 828

You deserved it 6 005

Social science

By Josh - 16/07/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, a friend came over to meet my new dog. The dog got excited and accidentally peed on him. I went to the kitchen to get something to clean it up. When I came back, my new dog was covered in my friend's pee. My friend claimed that peeing on my dog "showed dominance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 170

By Jimii Liu - 11/03/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 634

You deserved it 3 366

By gera3gera - 07/10/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 809

You deserved it 4 128

By mraow123 - 30/05/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 394

You deserved it 4 660

uneekfreak16 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:30

What kind of dog was it? I hope you weren't trying to look macho with a poodle. I think this one needs an illustration :p

mylifeisfuckeddd 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:24

lol! i hate when i am walking my dog and i have to pick up her poop and i'm walking around w. a bag a poop and a hot guy walks by

Comments

frenzypuffer 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:38

yeah there's no way to look cool while taking your dog out for a piss... or shit. i've tried it too

deliciouskaek 1

Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:39

YDI for using the word 'macho' at all. *smh*

FBIWarning 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:41

**** blocked by your own dog

rachie94 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:43

i have a rottwiler, and i look pretty hot jogging next to it, guys always stop and say something.

amazingkate 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:48

who's macho anymore? automatic YDI for "TRYING to look" like anything. ps. you're better off with cute little dogs if you want chicks.

slatertheblob 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:48

the dog was showing dominance, studies show that when dogs identify girls you have a crush on they pee on you so you seem weak. Your crush is probs sleeping with your dog now. FYL

crazyjack 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:53

Lol #26, you're my hero xD

SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:59

I think of "The Village People." Macho, macho, man. I want to be a macho man. #23! LMAO! Also #27's statement about cute little dogs apply to me. If you carry around a little dachshund, I will squeal and ask to pet it. Those things always get me. I love them.