Love: Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt....

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By crazystar69 - 09/03/2011 18:19 - United States

Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 953

You deserved it 4 835

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Same thing different taste

By birdbath - 08/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 899

You deserved it 3 639

By lbg2msf - 06/11/2013 18:08 - United States - Biloxi

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 856

You deserved it 9 503

Farm life

By FarmerGirl - 09/10/2012 18:43 - Canada - Brossard

Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 153

You deserved it 3 709

When you gotta go…

By Anonymous - 17/01/2025 20:00 - Canada

Today, I was walking my big, fat, fluffy old dog when I saw my crush. I waved enthusiastically, but my dog chose that moment to squat down and unleash a string of poop. My crush looked horrified as I tried to scoop it up while still waving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 163

By anonymous - 15/01/2012 05:58 - United States

Today, my crush grabbed my butt while I was walking up the stairs. In surprise I farted. He won't even look me in the eyes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 579

You deserved it 7 678

Snap!

By wheelchairgirl - 16/12/2016 01:21 - Denmark

Today, I was watching a beautiful flock of birds flying overhead while walking in the street. The guy next to me was lucky enough to catch bird poop with his forehead. I was lucky enough to get distracted by it, trip, and break my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 391

You deserved it 1 123

By fmlman - 15/03/2013 05:44 - United States - Rawlins

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 389

You deserved it 6 390

By Mojo - 14/12/2009 17:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 571

You deserved it 5 191

From a great height

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 21:59

Today, I was sitting on the back porch with my husband. I felt two raindrops land on my head, so I said we should go inside because it was starting to rain. It turned out to just be a bird shitting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 132

Good impressions last

By icarlypoop - 11/04/2020 23:00

Today, I threw up on my crush's lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 245

You deserved it 490

DocBastard 38

Wednesday 9 March 2011 22:32

When people say not to get shit-faced on a first date, this is NOT what they mean.

firegecko123 0

Wednesday 9 March 2011 22:25

OH DAMN!

Comments

SuperLeap_fml 0

Thursday 10 March 2011 3:26

Way to ruin the moment. Props to the bird.

AliSama 17

Thursday 10 March 2011 3:37

that is considered lucky in some cultures!

natewill113 0

Thursday 10 March 2011 5:07

angry birds ftw

phatdaddy62 23

Thursday 10 March 2011 5:27

So much for the bird of happiness!

TheFuckerofShit 16

Thursday 10 March 2011 5:45

I heard when a bird ***** on you means it's good luck.

emiiily_fml 0

Thursday 10 March 2011 6:47

hahahahaha.

ErinKidCannibal_fml 0

Thursday 10 March 2011 7:09

No true emotions for you!

j_cat187 19

Thursday 10 March 2011 7:11

if its a crow thats good luck

jburd45 1

Thursday 10 March 2011 9:05

this fml made me laugh soo hard

dddrummer 0

Thursday 10 March 2011 9:19

the bird just felt you're way to ugly for the guy.

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Today, I tried using hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 148

You deserved it 25 157

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 360

You deserved it 38 136

The Top

Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 012

You deserved it 15 674

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I agree, your life sucks 45 015

You deserved it 13 480

Today, I got to explain to my co-worker again why I can't move my "vacation" so she can take hers when she wants. Apparently, in her mind, her seniority at the company trumps my due date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 825

You deserved it 2 979

Today, I went to a social event with a very attractive male co-worker. Things were going awesome, we were flirting and really hitting it off. Then his 'wife' called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 544

You deserved it 7 196

Today, it’s been at least the 20th time I’ve heard the “porn stars” (meaning the couple who moved upstairs) going at it like rabbits. I've tried covering my ears, and it doesn’t work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 220

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 942

You deserved it 9 429