Love: Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt....

By crazystar69 - 09/03/2011 18:19 - United States

Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 949

You deserved it 4 834

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By birdbath - 08/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 895

You deserved it 3 639

By lbg2msf - 06/11/2013 18:08 - United States - Biloxi

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 848

You deserved it 9 501

By FarmerGirl - 09/10/2012 18:43 - Canada - Brossard

Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 138

You deserved it 3 706

By anonymous - 15/01/2012 05:58 - United States

Today, my crush grabbed my butt while I was walking up the stairs. In surprise I farted. He won't even look me in the eyes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 568

You deserved it 7 673

Snap!

By wheelchairgirl - 16/12/2016 01:21 - Denmark

Today, I was watching a beautiful flock of birds flying overhead while walking in the street. The guy next to me was lucky enough to catch bird poop with his forehead. I was lucky enough to get distracted by it, trip, and break my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 383

You deserved it 1 120

By fmlman - 15/03/2013 05:44 - United States - Rawlins

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 384

You deserved it 6 389

By Mojo - 14/12/2009 17:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 564

You deserved it 5 188

From a great height

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 21:59

Today, I was sitting on the back porch with my husband. I felt two raindrops land on my head, so I said we should go inside because it was starting to rain. It turned out to just be a bird shitting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 132

Good impressions last

By icarlypoop - 11/04/2020 23:00

Today, I threw up on my crush's lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 239

You deserved it 488

By pass me the fucking rope - 18/06/2016 13:17 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 449

You deserved it 943

DocBastard 38

Wednesday 9 March 2011 22:32

When people say not to get shit-faced on a first date, this is NOT what they mean.

firegecko123 0

Wednesday 9 March 2011 22:25

OH DAMN!

Comments

contralucem 0

Thursday 10 March 2011 16:13

that's the funniest SHIT I've ever heard

cwatt 0

Thursday 10 March 2011 17:49

hahaha

Zodaicz 4

Thursday 10 March 2011 18:14

It's a sign!

khaya 9

Thursday 10 March 2011 18:56

Give up, nature doesn't even like you.

BrayseAndChloe 0

Thursday 10 March 2011 19:45

lmfao!

bugmenotmofo 34

Friday 11 March 2011 3:07

Grammar Nazi moment; shat, not shit

WooglePums 0

Friday 11 March 2011 3:15

I heard it's good luck if you get pooped on by a bird! :)

jcdiva7 0

Friday 11 March 2011 4:03

Bombs away

fkeeler1266 0

Friday 11 March 2011 4:45

HAHAHAHAHAHA SUCKS FOR YOU LOSER

BIGGEYESSS 0

Friday 11 March 2011 5:40

HOLLY SHIT!! ahahahahahhahHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHA :D

Keywords

Miscellaneous TV shows Coworkers Work Awkward Politics Ironic Embarrassing Relatable Transportation Social Media Instagram Shopping Parenting Jealousy Love AITA Am I overreacting? Kids Friends Dogs Pranks Housework Cars Technology Porn Health Sports Accident Mental health

The Top

Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in The Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 650

You deserved it 8 222

Today, my best friend and I were playing Call of Duty when he said he had to go to the bathroom. Curious, I checked his phone. A text message read, "Tell your friend you're going to the bathroom and come eat. Pizza is here" from his dad. Apparently, I'm not good enough to feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 997

You deserved it 8 124

The Top

Today, I accidentally superglued my hand to my grandmother's ornate fan while trying to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 448

You deserved it 825

Today, I had to abandon my normal duties and help out the electrician my boss called, all because my boss couldn't handle speaking to him since he was attractive. She's in her fifties. I'm in my twenties and I'm the more mature one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 900

You deserved it 915

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 559

You deserved it 2 733

Today, I took my boys over to their grandmother’s house. We had a nice supper together. We all talked, played board games, and watched TV. After a while, I couldn’t find my 13 year-old son. He was in his 67 year-old grandmother’s master bathroom, jerking off with her dirty granny panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 208

Today, my boyfriend brought me a bunny for a house present for moving into our first house. She escaped her cage and bit through the electrical wires, cutting out all our power and electrocuting and killing herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 969

You deserved it 2 810

Today, while out shopping, my fiancé started talking to a cashier in a flirty manner as if I wasn't there, and casually referred to me as his housemate. I felt my heart break, but I'm too weak to bring it up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 666

Same thing different taste

Snap!

From a great height

Good impressions last

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