The first time we met: Today, I went on a date. I went to the bathroom for five minutes...

By Anonymous - 16/12/2018 03:00

Today, I went on a date. I went to the bathroom for five minutes and returned to find my date had not only left, but poured ketchup all over our food to ruin it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 600

You deserved it 199

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 18:12 - Australia

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 560

You deserved it 2 947

By takeshi - 05/08/2018 20:30

Today, I took my girlfriend to a restaurant we both like. By the end of the date, we were fighting and she angrily broke up with me. To make things worse, I got food poisoning. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 283

You deserved it 303

By great. - 02/01/2013 18:59

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 978

You deserved it 3 564

Denial

By Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater - 15/07/2016 20:27 - United States - Arlington

Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 697

You deserved it 1 021

No third base for you

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 268

Maybe he's into that...

By pissypants - 25/11/2017 19:00

Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my dates popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 144

You deserved it 3 530

Klutz

By Sara - 27/05/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 146

Maturity level

By Clairebear - 07/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 788

By Anonymous - 06/07/2017 01:00 - United Kingdom - Halstead

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend when he suddenly got down on one knee and proposed. A waiter tripped over him and spilled our food all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 616

You deserved it 510

By shwasted - 22/02/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 557

You deserved it 3 797

BurnInDemonFire 34

Sunday 16 December 2018 3:10

Did you do something to upset them, like ordering meat even though they're vegan, or are they just nuts? Oh wait... same thing...

acmariner99 25

Sunday 16 December 2018 3:32

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it isn’t going to work out.

Comments

VanTufty 13

Monday 17 December 2018 2:35

You went to the bathroom for 5 minutes on a first date?! 5 minutes!!!!

Rabite 28

Monday 17 December 2018 4:31

How long is the appropiate amount of time to spend in the bathroom on a date?

BeefyQueefy 14

Monday 17 December 2018 18:44

Under no cicumstances is it ok to go take a casual shit in the middle of a date

Rabite 28

Monday 17 December 2018 4:32

I don't think you can ruin something with ketchup. Except for pasta. Did you have pasta?

BeefyQueefy 14

Monday 17 December 2018 18:43

Maybe it's because you think it's ok to go take a dump in the middle of a meal??

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Saturday 22 December 2018 1:47

It's illegal to date children, you know...

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend’s dad has a sword he inherited from his dad that he claims links their family to the old Swiss nobility. I work in a museum so I know most of the makers' marks on swords, so I’m not sure how to tell him his sword is a reproduction made in Spain less than 100 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 83

Today, I tried reaching out to a brand on Instagram, telling them I'm a rising influencer and would love a free sample of some of their products to review. They replied back with a laughing emoji and "You have 44 followers. Eat shit." Then they posted it on their story, with my name listed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 1 479

The Top

Today, my dad and grandpa came to a charity event that I helped set up for people who have autism. I appreciated their support, until I heard my dad say "Man, some of these 'tards are pretty hot." and my grandpa replying "Yeah. Probably like dead fish in bed, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 147

You deserved it 3 257

Today, I received another letter of rejection from the university of my dreams. I got it the first time, but thanks for reminding me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 128

You deserved it 2 224

Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 449

You deserved it 7 295

Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 449

You deserved it 4 307

Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 356

You deserved it 9 688

Today, my boyfriend was putting baby powder on my bare ass, when his dad walked into the room, casually set a laundry basket next to the bed, and walked out like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 954

You deserved it 8 199