Miscellaneous: Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so...

By charitableidiot - 05/06/2014 22:23 - United States - Portland

Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 564

You deserved it 43 078

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Same thing different taste

By ssondik - 22/06/2015 00:50 - United States - Hebron

Today, I was invited to a fancy-shmancy charity event, and the host - my friend - told me to wear a long, ballroom, fancy gown. Turns out my friend was just being a dick and it was a pool party. I spent $200 on my hair and makeup alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 109

You deserved it 5 182

By John - 01/04/2017 08:00 - United States

Today, I attended a formal dinner with donors to my university. While looking at a much older lady's nametag to see who she was, I was publicly accused of looking at her breasts. Now a bunch of people I was supposed to impress think I'm a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 062

You deserved it 661

Garden party

By Awkward is my name - 09/07/2023 12:00

Today, at a philanthropic event in some old money rich family's garden, I told my daughter she'd have to improve her table manners if she wanted to marry a nice man like that. I looked up and our host was standing right there, looking sternly in our direction. I smiled but he didn't smile back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186

You deserved it 1 022

By NotRetarded - 11/04/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I went to a friend's sweet sixteen. Since I didn't know any else at the party I was really happy when the mother told me she sat me next to someone she thought I would have a lot in common with. He ended up being mentally challenged and talked to a sock puppet the whole party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 133

You deserved it 3 866

Who the **** are you?

By silly_billy - 11/06/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch with my wife. We were having a nice time when a man came up to me. He said, "Hey! Bill how are you?" I wasn't really sure, so being polite I said, "I'm sorry, I can't remember your name." He frowned and walked away. It was my company's Chairman of the Board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 367

You deserved it 54 735

By bubblegummm13 - 27/09/2009 04:30 - Canada

Today, I got an email from my University informing me that I was invited to an exclusive dinner for 25 people. As I continued to read through the email, I discovered that I wasn't lucky or special, but that the dinner was for financially unstable students. They think I'm a charity case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 751

You deserved it 4 485

By apparently_disabled - 17/04/2015 06:24 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was trying to make a good impression with my fiancé's friends. After a few hours, I thought all was going well. As I walked to the washroom, I heard, "So what disability does she have? No one can be like that without something wrong in their brain." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 136

You deserved it 2 936

I'm busy

By Anonymous - 08/03/2022 08:00 - Canada - Emsdale

Today, my Mom was gushing to a relative about going to see a very famous singer with my sister while we were at dinner. I smiled politely, until the relative asked why I wasn’t going. I felt too embarrassed to admit I hadn’t been asked, despite having the money, so I awkwardly made something up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 176

By E.S. - 23/10/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, I had lunch with some important potential clients at a fancy restaurant. I really wanted to make a good impression. When the piano music stopped, I started clapping while looking around for the pianist. Apparently, it was a CD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 182

You deserved it 41 000

Nice try

By damn... - 28/10/2008 08:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a job conference. At lunch, I saw this stunning guy. At dessert time, I coughed so much that the piece of chocolate cake in my mouth went straight onto his glasses. I think it's too late to introduce myself now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 803

You deserved it 6 280

lonelyfreak_fml 17

Friday 6 June 2014 8:59

That's crazy talk...

icnburbbygrl 23

Friday 6 June 2014 8:58

Ouch. Hopefully they weren't too mad

Comments

martin8337 35

Friday 6 June 2014 15:24

This kind of thing can happen when a person is a suck up, an Apple polisher, a brown noser or a straight up kiss ass.

KoalaBek 23

Friday 6 June 2014 15:27

Aha I do this kind of thing more often than is socially acceptable. Mortifying but hilarious.

worldclassrager 39

Friday 6 June 2014 16:31

I'm surprised all you got was a frown...not a punch

Ziggy122 15

Friday 6 June 2014 16:37

I stopped reading at "I'm a schmoozer."

kasmol 16

Friday 6 June 2014 17:59

Get off the narcissistic ego trip. If you were that big of a deal, you wouldn't need to schmooze. If you were smarter you could avoid sounding like a douche. Your best bet is to continue flirting with the old ladies at grandma's bridge games and lying to yourself that they are interested.