Animals: Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet... - FML

By yikes - 21/04/2012 08:36 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 156

You deserved it 3 776

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/01/2011 05:45 - United States

Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 714

You deserved it 35 128

Freaked

By AussieGirl - 21/11/2009 11:40 - Australia

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 176

You deserved it 4 027

By SpideyFace - 19/03/2011 01:36 - Canada

Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 918

You deserved it 5 873

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 321

You deserved it 7 652

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 24/07/2022 06:00

Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 198

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 704

You deserved it 2 518

By spiderwoman - 04/11/2012 17:12 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 726

You deserved it 13 576

Leave spiders to chill

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 323

Monster in my bathroom

By Thescarlettfox - 16/02/2020 01:00

Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 875

By imfromtexas02 - 06/06/2009 14:03 - United States

Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 436

You deserved it 12 633

Next

Top comments

domking1315 20

Saturday 21 April 2012 16:05

The itsy bitsy spider went up the va-gi-na Out came the pee and washed the spider out!

CynePhoba 23

Saturday 21 April 2012 16:03

Poor spider...

Comments

DuffleBagHero 4

Saturday 21 April 2012 16:52

Poor you?! No, poor spider ! Spiderman just wanted a lick & you killed it ! Look from the spider's perspective guys !

challan 19

Saturday 21 April 2012 16:50

My first thought was that it was catching your crabs...

challan 19

Saturday 21 April 2012 16:52

My first thought was that it was catching your crabs...

challan 19

Saturday 21 April 2012 17:19

Why did it post me twice? Ahhhh! So sorry people!

llamafish 25

Saturday 21 April 2012 16:55

It's happening to everyone. Something's just bugged up.

llamafish 25

Saturday 21 April 2012 17:10

Case and point.

ClosetTroll 10

Saturday 21 April 2012 16:51

Was my previous comment moderated or did it just disappear?

hthelittleone 10

Saturday 21 April 2012 16:53

Same, my comment was supposed to be a reply to someone else's comment but it didn't show up so I did it again and they both came out as comments. Weird.

ClosetTroll 10

Saturday 21 April 2012 16:57

Other users seem to be facing the same issue. Must be a glitch.

DuffleBagHero 4

Saturday 21 April 2012 16:53

I meant to say cooch* not couch .

zombicidal 11

Saturday 21 April 2012 16:53

no OP is obviously urine

titzenpitzer 9

Saturday 21 April 2012 16:55

there was a spider in your butthole?

Angelrose2004 17

Saturday 21 April 2012 16:59

Mine disappeared too. What the heck is going on with FML today!? Comments are disappearing and people's profile pics are all scrambled. On a side note, it is kind of entertaining that all these different commenters look like they are having conversations with themselves. Anyone agree? No? Ok... I'll leave now.

KendratheUnicorn 0

Saturday 21 April 2012 18:33

It just happened to me :(

llamafish 25

Saturday 21 April 2012 16:58

Pandamimo/20 - I hope they get everything where it properly belongs. It's gonna be hilarious to read all the extra stuff people threw in to point out where it bugged up.

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Keywords

Cheating Love Relatable Work Money My ex Jealousy Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 124

You deserved it 40 856

Today, I’ve been getting a lot of strange messages from guys on the dating site I use, then I realised why: on my profile pic I'm sat down and you can see my nice underwear up my skirt. That explains the messages, they thought I was trolling for men to hump and dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 980

The Top

Today, my neighbor's dog came to visit and I tried to bring him back home like I usually do. Only this time, when I grabbed the dog's collar, they zapped him! And it zapped me! My teeth still hurt! FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 119

Today, marks 2 weeks since I got Oral Allergy Syndrome, a.k.a. randomly becoming allergic to apples, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, grapes, mangos, carrots, celery, beets, sunflower seeds, fennel, my toothpaste, and more things I just haven't tried yet. I'm vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 864

You deserved it 2 279

Today, out of habit, I said "See you later" to a creepy old male customer who stared at my chest the whole time I was serving him. His response was to wink and say, "Oh, you will." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 838

You deserved it 5 204

Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 502

You deserved it 3 634

Today, the stranger I sat next to on a plane was a better father to my son in three hours than my worthless boyfriend has been in five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 471

Today, I once again bought condoms at the gas station to make the people who work there think that I have a sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 1 370