Miscellaneous: Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML - FML

By Anonymous - 21/05/2014 16:05 - United States - New York

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 863

You deserved it 4 377

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Same thing different taste

By FunTimes - 19/08/2019 04:00 - Canada

Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 684

You deserved it 122

By Deadcat101 - 10/07/2012 23:26 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my unemployed mother decided to yet again stay home and drink heavily. So far she's kicked me out of the house, tipped over our sofa, and thrown her vibrator out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 044

You deserved it 1 940

By driverboy - 31/12/2014 08:08 - United States

Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 914

You deserved it 4 878

By ouch - 12/07/2013 07:22 - United States

Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 162

You deserved it 4 761

Mommy dearest

By Ohkourt - 20/04/2020 05:00

Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 125

By AnastasiyaNicholas - 18/02/2012 14:20 - United States

Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 732

You deserved it 2 041

Get back here!

By Anonymous - 12/02/2010 07:51 - Canada

Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 158

You deserved it 2 765

Mom! Stop!

By Anonymous - 07/08/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 816

You deserved it 121

It's just liquid fun

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 05:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my mom trying to get secretly smashed out of her brain-box on booze at 8:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 034

You deserved it 3 027

By No-Sleep Nellie - 07/07/2015 13:26 - United States - Waterloo

Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 935

You deserved it 1 721

Next

Top comments

BingleBop 18

Wednesday 21 May 2014 22:52

At least the lawn is clean now?

ElementaryEdGuy 18

Wednesday 21 May 2014 22:53

I need to clean my house. Maybe I should get drunk for motivation.

Comments

foxwasalamb 24

Thursday 22 May 2014 3:25

next she'll be using the toaster oven to boil water, dishwasher to do laundry, the fridge as a hamper, etc.

wvcheesehead 13

Thursday 22 May 2014 3:34

Not the worst thing she could have been sucking on the lawn.

annequenneville_fml 27

Thursday 22 May 2014 4:12

Hahahahah there goes the dirt

Britterz 12

Thursday 22 May 2014 4:41

I wear my Batman footy pajamas,get on Omegle, and look for the Joker when I get drunk. Sometimes drunk minds just don't have the most logic behind their "great" ideas.

X_red 10

Thursday 22 May 2014 4:42

We've all been there.

shawnsavage 9

Thursday 22 May 2014 4:47

Just think of all the dirt she's picking up! Wait....

shawnsavage 9

Thursday 22 May 2014 4:58

Hey I don't see the problem here! Just a little spring cleaning, you know like vacuum the lawn, mow the living room, dust the driveway, mop the roof, sweep the walls, it's all getting clean in the end!

rosso700 14

Thursday 22 May 2014 5:00

I guess mowing got too hard

annunaki_fml 11

Thursday 22 May 2014 5:05

oh what fresh hell that mustve been. should have escorted her to the closest carpet. happycrazysad!

notmepleade 8

Thursday 22 May 2014 5:07

I actually laughed out loud

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The Top

Today, my husband has been out partying all night. While my in-laws didn't ask him a single question, earlier I received more than six calls from them about when I'll be home to cook and clean. Where was I? In the office for the first time after working from home for past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058

You deserved it 111

Today, I learned that I actually like my boiled eggs a bit softer than I usually make them. I also learned that an outwardly lukewarm egg, when bitten into enthusiastically, is perfectly capable of creating a volcanic eruption of boiling hot yolk all over your hands, clothes and kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 413

The Top

Today, while on the skytrain, a woman leaned on the railing bar that I was holding onto, crushing my hand. My first instinct was to move my hand when she turned around and began loudly yelling at me for, "Touching her waist" and "Sexually harassing" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 686

You deserved it 892

Today, my Google Home decided the TV told it to play 'Despacito'. It didn't. Google then decided I wasn't yelling at it to turn it off. I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 199

You deserved it 367

Today, my school caught a kid with a firearm, so during our lunch period we had to stay in our classrooms and nobody can leave and nobody can get food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 109

Today, I yelled at my husband for staying out till after 9 and not having done any of the chores. He turned round and yelled right back at me for letting him sit alone at the restaurant, getting sympathy from the waiters, because I clearly forgot today was our anniversary dinner. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 4 060

Today, I saw my cat outside taking a dump. I pulled back the curtain and watched him clean it up, because I found it fascinating that animals can do that. I must have been standing there for several minutes before I noticed the neighbour next door looking at me being fascinated by my cat pooing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 579

You deserved it 36 450

Today, the guy I've been dating and sleeping with told me he is also dating another woman, but that they only kiss. I was under the impression we were exclusive for two months now, since I told him if we slept together that it would be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 151

You deserved it 436