Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking....

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 17:43 - Spain - Tordesillas

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 025

You deserved it 34 875

St. Patrick's Day: Shamrocks and Tribulations
Green anecdotes of jealousy, full of shamrocks and pints, for a memorable St. Patrick's Day! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By shittyemployee - 28/07/2018 19:00

Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 846

You deserved it 3 173

Partaaaaay!

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 18:16 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 130

You deserved it 46 990

By mushroomtop - 23/09/2017 23:15

Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 914

You deserved it 3 528

By :( - 27/01/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 270

You deserved it 62 399

By hedayk - 15/05/2015 20:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 274

You deserved it 12 025

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 1 897

By CK95 - 01/01/2015 23:02 - United States

Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 842

You deserved it 8 053

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 667

You deserved it 40 139

Party hard

By Jason the flasher - 15/09/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 3 271

By snow - 17/11/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 836

You deserved it 3 968

mpsteve137 15

Monday 4 June 2012 0:38

Wtf, you're supposed to use conditioner to do that. Duh

unknown_user5566 26

Monday 4 June 2012 4:17

Oh, we've totally all been there. Took me a while of frustrating failed drunken attempts before I realized I didn't have a penis.

Comments

ICastillo 24

Monday 4 June 2012 0:51

Well OP you have a small penis, and now everyone knows baby penis.

unknown_user5566 26

Monday 4 June 2012 4:19

I don't know Baby Penis. I'm upset that I was left out if everyone knows him. :(

Greendaycheese 12

Monday 4 June 2012 0:51

So.... It worked right?

l23VIVE 17

Monday 4 June 2012 3:49

GreenDayCheese? Uno Dos Tre!

kraz8 1

Monday 4 June 2012 0:53

It works, just depends how fast you rub it on...

challan 19

Monday 4 June 2012 2:13

Damn you took mine! Instant growth.

redwingsfan88 9

Monday 4 June 2012 0:56

Just crack out some extenze. Then they will be proven wrong!

flashback.miss 28

Monday 4 June 2012 1:01

LOL. Maybe you should invest in Viagra instead.

42istheanswer 27

Monday 4 June 2012 1:20

It does make it bigger, but not anymore then normal.

11mandy80 6

Monday 4 June 2012 1:04

And now everyone else knows about last night

janerose21 3

Monday 4 June 2012 1:10

Use L'Oréal's famous shampoo cause your worth it!!

tony1891 22

Monday 4 June 2012 1:14

it rubs the shampoo on it's penis. it does this whenever it's told.

agm77 9

Monday 4 June 2012 1:17

Oh yeah, keep doing that.

Dr0reos 8

Monday 4 June 2012 1:19

I once got so drunk I poured honey over myself stoop naked in the middle of the highway screaming "I PLEAD INSANITY!!!" while throwing rocks at oncoming traffic