Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking.... - FML

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 17:43 - Spain - Tordesillas

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 024

You deserved it 34 870

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Same thing different taste

By shittyemployee - 28/07/2018 19:00

Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 846

You deserved it 3 169

Partaaaaay!

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 18:16 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 128

You deserved it 46 984

By mushroomtop - 23/09/2017 23:15

Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 914

You deserved it 3 524

By :( - 27/01/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 269

You deserved it 62 392

By hedayk - 15/05/2015 20:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 274

You deserved it 12 024

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 1 892

By CK95 - 01/01/2015 23:02 - United States

Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 840

You deserved it 8 052

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 667

You deserved it 40 133

Party hard

By Jason the flasher - 15/09/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 3 263

By snow - 17/11/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 835

You deserved it 3 966

Next

Top comments

mpsteve137 15

Monday 4 June 2012 0:38

Wtf, you're supposed to use conditioner to do that. Duh

unknown_user5566 26

Monday 4 June 2012 4:17

Oh, we've totally all been there. Took me a while of frustrating failed drunken attempts before I realized I didn't have a penis.

Comments

mxij 13

Thursday 29 May 2014 18:16

Did it work?

dani752 11

Monday 24 July 2017 9:04

Lol ??

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The Top

Today, my 3-year-old pooped his pants in a public bathroom. As I was squatting down, doing my best to clean poop off of his legs and the floor, a wasp flew up my pant leg. I was stung four times before I danced it out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 060

You deserved it 1 845

Today, there was a pretty girl sitting near me on the train home. I thought about asking for her number., but instead a drunk nitwit decided to wander around the car and came very close to touching her. She got up and moved to the other end, while I had to deal with a belligerent hobo who was now intent on fighting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 184

The Top

Today, I was caught going on Facebook at work. I was called into my boss's office to be reprimanded, and while he was lecturing me on the importance of staying focussed and the misuse of company property, his computer beeped. It was his Facebook chat notifying him of a new message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 418

You deserved it 5 306

Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 578

You deserved it 5 303

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing a breakup note with permanent marker on my newly painted bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 855

You deserved it 3 388

Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 732

You deserved it 4 139

Today, I'm stuck in a ramshackle house that my aunt bought and moved everyone out to. Only one bathroom works, and she won't let us flush it because the house keeps flooding. Four people are stuck here with just one toilet filled with poop and urine, while she's been staying at a friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 954

You deserved it 1 058

Today, I was volunteering at a gift-wrapping booth to raise money for autism, and helping others takes my mind off the fact that my mom died at Christmas. While carefully wrapping a present, offering bows, ribbons, and a gift tag, a snobby bitch said to me, "You're not doing a very good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 138

You deserved it 2 141