Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was...

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

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Same thing different taste

By Pelota - 01/07/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 486

You deserved it 5 231

By shittyemployee - 28/07/2018 19:00

Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 846

You deserved it 3 169

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 603

You deserved it 88 959

By feartheend511 - 19/08/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 160

You deserved it 3 658

Worst party ever

By Dumbass - 10/01/2019 12:00

Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 4 038

By permanently scarred - 25/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 943

You deserved it 260

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 667

You deserved it 40 134

Out of pocket

By Anonymous - 12/05/2023 03:30 - India - Kannur

Today, I woke up in my boss’s sofa. I was covered in vomit, my head was hurting too much, and the only thing I could remember from the party the day before was that I was holding hands with my boss. I thought the story ended there but turns out I bit him on the neck, not once, not twice, but thrice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 1 095

By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 041

You deserved it 3 381

By lehonj49 - 21/06/2013 16:10 - Australia - Burwood

Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 856

You deserved it 3 688

allmidnighteyes 10

Sunday 22 November 2009 9:26

YDI for hooking up with a Twilight fan. Stupid ******* misogynistic shit like that should NEVER be passed off as actual literature. The whole series can pretty much summed up with, "EDWARD CULLEN WAS SO HAWT I CAME GLITTER" I wish I could be a deranged mormon housewife so I could make millions off a book series - based off creepy sexual fantasies for a sparkling douchenozzle - that glorifies/romanticizes shallow relationships based on lust, stalking, and werewolves falling in love with baby children.

ScaredyCat 2

Sunday 22 November 2009 9:25

you deserve it for not being turned off by a girl into "Twatlight"

Comments

canadian101 0

Sunday 22 November 2009 19:29

I hate twilight and i've read the books...they're just immature.

Hooray4Ponies 0

Sunday 22 November 2009 19:36

Don't do drunken hook-ups. More often than not you'll regret it.

AmeOwl 0

Sunday 22 November 2009 20:11

This is why twilight fans should be quarantined.

dogs_playing_pok 0

Sunday 22 November 2009 20:11

.....wow ydi for hooking up with a twilight fan chick. there just crazy

ookamikazechan 5

Sunday 22 November 2009 20:22

I don't see how being bitten 5 times is an FML. Unless you have a girlfriend or a job interview or some such and the marks were plainly visible. I can't hardly find a girl that isn't at least mildly interested in twilight so that's not an FML. Tell me..what actually sucks about this? I personally don't care for Twilight myself. I've read the first 1 and half books and was horribly bored. Also saw the first movie and wasn't too terribly impressed. It's not awful, but they aren't that great.

stpanimalcrulety 0

Sunday 22 November 2009 21:00

the further into the series the better they get.

lifeislife_fml 0

Sunday 22 November 2009 21:17

^ LOL this is a joke, right? ^ Unless you're talking about the humor resulting from the shittiness of the story. Then yeah, that gets better.

GoddessDigi 12

Sunday 22 November 2009 20:26

So, because she's a Twilight fan is why she bit you? Well, seeing as people have been biting during sex since way before Twilight came out..I don't see the connection between the 2.

cornsnake 0

Sunday 22 November 2009 20:34

damn twilight fans.

2npac 0

Sunday 22 November 2009 20:54

Twilight is ruining mens lives everywhere. Maybe she should hang out wit the other chick on here that dumped her bf for a guy more like "her Edward"!

stpanimalcrulety 0

Sunday 22 November 2009 20:55

Twilight is also a book series which the movie is based on. It isnt the girls fault that robert pattison(edward cullen) is so damn hot or that cathrin hardwike (director) did a shitty job on the movie. So shut the hell up unless you hav seen the next movie and read the eries only then you can call it bad.