Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking...

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By Devon - 20/05/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 347

You deserved it 22 944

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

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Same thing different taste

By tapeissticky591 - 14/07/2012 05:49 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 910

You deserved it 36 527

By adam - 03/02/2010 20:10 - France

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 086

You deserved it 40 703

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I woke up fully clothed, trying to remember the night's events. I walk to the den to awkwardly ask my dad for a ride to my car and he points to the computer. A pic of me passed out on the bathroom floor is now our new wallpaper. My skirt was around my knees. He sent it to everyone we know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 013

You deserved it 25 919

Lost

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a party with a friend. All I remember is passing out on the couch. About 10 minutes ago, I was woken up by a bucket of cold water and thrown out by the guy who lives there. I'm still dripping and very cold, and I have no idea where the hell I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 958

You deserved it 8 735

Hangry boi

By Anonymous - 03/08/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 126

By SAM - 05/08/2018 09:00 - United States

Today, my dad gave me his old camera. I got home and eagerly turned it on to start using it. I was greeted by a photo of my father drunk, smiling, naked, and covered in peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 239

You deserved it 336

By goldenshower - 05/02/2010 18:22 - United States

Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 503

You deserved it 56 534

WTH happened?

By Anonymous - 05/10/2009 05:11 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall, with a note saying, "Sorry dude". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 378

You deserved it 42 558

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 1 899

Mind the gap

By NotDrunk - 11/09/2012 06:47 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 766

You deserved it 2 605

marmots 0

Friday 20 May 2011 8:50

It sounds like you've been partying with Ke$ha.

cwmbear 0

Friday 20 May 2011 8:54

was it smooth or crunchy peanut butter?

Comments

Adjbck 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:15

damn i want to know what happened at that party

alaskasfml 0

Friday 20 May 2011 12:01

more importantly, why weren't we invited to that party? "today i'll be going to an insane party at _____! i will not remember shit tomorrow! fml?" oh, if only..

duhh_winning 0

Friday 20 May 2011 15:16

german people arnt funny...

shayshay1001 5

Friday 20 May 2011 9:15

atleast u didnt wake up to someone sticking a finger in u!!

elite_stoner 0

Friday 20 May 2011 13:58

I think it would be funny if I didn't see the creepy smile in your pic

moosemonkey1000 6

Friday 20 May 2011 13:58

Are you being quite serious?

alyslove 5

Friday 20 May 2011 9:23

Is your name Ke$ha, perhaps?

mrahhhhh 21

Friday 20 May 2011 9:23

**** you so hard OP. I eat Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches all the time. And I use Skippy peanut butter. I'm gonna be forced to think of this FML everytime I eat one!

alyslove 5

Friday 20 May 2011 9:25

is your name Ke$ha, perhaps?

RainbowHeadache 2

Friday 20 May 2011 9:31

Ke$ha finally got an FML posted.

alaskasfml 0

Friday 20 May 2011 12:03

finally a clever response having to do with ke$ha and not a repeat of "were you partying with ke$ha?" or "are you ke$ha?" you own at life.

RainbowHeadache 2

Friday 20 May 2011 15:06

It's pretty obvious that it's Ke$ha because the gender is male. So I decided not to even ask if it was Ke$ha.

armorf0r 7

Friday 20 May 2011 21:16

point proven perfectly lol

ceepevoy 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:31

I'll have what the op had please!

alaskasfml 0

Friday 20 May 2011 12:05

obvioisly they tried the drug Ke$ha is on laced with a drug called Charlie Sheen and a little bit of Katy Perry. it's very tricky to make. we'll talk later.