Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking...

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By Devon - 20/05/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 347

You deserved it 22 945

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
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Same thing different taste

By tapeissticky591 - 14/07/2012 05:49 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 910

You deserved it 36 527

By adam - 03/02/2010 20:10 - France

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 086

You deserved it 40 703

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I woke up fully clothed, trying to remember the night's events. I walk to the den to awkwardly ask my dad for a ride to my car and he points to the computer. A pic of me passed out on the bathroom floor is now our new wallpaper. My skirt was around my knees. He sent it to everyone we know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 013

You deserved it 25 919

Lost

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a party with a friend. All I remember is passing out on the couch. About 10 minutes ago, I was woken up by a bucket of cold water and thrown out by the guy who lives there. I'm still dripping and very cold, and I have no idea where the hell I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 958

You deserved it 8 735

Hangry boi

By Anonymous - 03/08/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 126

By SAM - 05/08/2018 09:00 - United States

Today, my dad gave me his old camera. I got home and eagerly turned it on to start using it. I was greeted by a photo of my father drunk, smiling, naked, and covered in peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 239

You deserved it 336

By goldenshower - 05/02/2010 18:22 - United States

Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 503

You deserved it 56 534

WTH happened?

By Anonymous - 05/10/2009 05:11 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall, with a note saying, "Sorry dude". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 378

You deserved it 42 559

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 1 899

Mind the gap

By NotDrunk - 11/09/2012 06:47 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 766

You deserved it 2 605

marmots 0

Friday 20 May 2011 8:50

It sounds like you've been partying with Ke$ha.

cwmbear 0

Friday 20 May 2011 8:54

was it smooth or crunchy peanut butter?

Comments

eli_weli 0

Friday 20 May 2011 16:50

awesome night!!!

mandymadness 0

Friday 20 May 2011 17:04

idk but it sounds like someone had one hell of a time!

floiedy 0

Friday 20 May 2011 17:12

Ke$ha's on the move once again.

technogirl 0

Friday 20 May 2011 17:21

you planked :D

zombiekitten87 12

Friday 20 May 2011 17:35

Idunno but it sounds awesome

armorf0r 7

Friday 20 May 2011 18:10

Successful night!

lauderdale80_fml 0

Friday 20 May 2011 18:11

fake

happy_dino 6

Friday 20 May 2011 18:22

Gues Ke$ha decided to visit.

Pigpen181 3

Friday 20 May 2011 18:31

You partied with Lady Gaga

MrsYari 0

Friday 20 May 2011 18:32

sounds like you had fun last nite

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The Top

Today, I was at the hairdresser's getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really good. I later overheard her telling her colleague that hair as nice as mine was wasted on someone with a face like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 049

You deserved it 3 374

Today, I realised I had a bad month. Last week, I threw out my back; the week before, my girlfriend got a cold sore; this week, I got chickenpox at the ripe age of 31 years. When I went to bed last night, I found my girlfriend sound asleep with her vibrator in one hand. We haven't had sex for so long, I can't even blame her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 263

The Top

Today, I got extremely winded from adjusting my blanket. What a workout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 364

Today, it was my 14-year anniversary. I'd spent weeks picking out a new gold wedding band for my husband. What did he get me? Nothing. Not even a happy anniversary text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 257

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 095

You deserved it 15 460

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 325

You deserved it 49 614

Today, I learned that if I don't clean out the litter box everyday, my cat will resort to shitting in the laundry basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 893

You deserved it 34 992

Today, I realized how low my husband's libido has gotten over the years. He has zero intention of trying anything to fix it, no matter how hard I try. I don't even think I'm horny anymore as much as intimately touched starved. He ran his hand down my back in passing and I almost burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 234