Intimacy: Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine...

By hdat - 11/06/2009 17:51 - Canada

Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 938

You deserved it 16 201

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/08/2015 13:26 - United States - Manchester

Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 331

You deserved it 4 027

By frankrizzo - 01/02/2009 17:29 - Canada

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 041

You deserved it 9 040

By human - 21/06/2019 00:01

Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 529

You deserved it 251

By Anonymous - 10/07/2012 10:03 - United States

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 873

You deserved it 41 375

By idk ask freud - 04/07/2013 04:11 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 758

You deserved it 9 912

By wtfdreams - 17/05/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193 134

You deserved it 50 225

By urgg - 05/09/2010 14:20 - United States

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 913

You deserved it 5 024

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 276

By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 10:03 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 042

You deserved it 2 322

No shit

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 11:00 - Australia - Aspley

Today, I had a dream that I was having one of the best poops of my life. I woke up feeling very content and relaxed, until I rolled over and realised it wasn't a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 228

_Skies 0

Thursday 11 June 2009 23:31

Thinking about them Twinkies again eh?

swirlsofhoney 0

Thursday 11 June 2009 23:29

hey vending machine food is good just not that good...

Comments

i_love_germany 0

Wednesday 6 January 2010 18:19

are you on a very VERY strict diet or something? if you are, then this makes sense

dabomblyktiktikk 0

Friday 19 March 2010 1:58

epic . win . fatty . cheapass . the 1st 4 words that popped in 2 my head just now . in that order . lol ; fyl op :]

aidenkush 0

Saturday 8 May 2010 3:29

ha fail

Youra_epicfail 0

Friday 28 May 2010 6:13

what's your problem douchebag?! *sorry I had to continue the 1st two comments since no one else did(:

FknJames 0

Tuesday 15 June 2010 1:31

hit the gym

melonsmasherrr 0

Thursday 24 June 2010 4:04

haha iloveyou. your cool xD

confusdsincbirth 5

Tuesday 5 October 2010 14:05

Was it hotdogs?

crazymase 9

Wednesday 20 October 2010 18:17

lol

kbourco 0

Monday 13 December 2010 10:05

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

crazysoccer 0

Sunday 2 January 2011 7:34

oh my goodness!!

Keywords

Embarrassing Work Accident Health Relatable Love LGBTQIA+ Annoying Inappropriate AITA My ex Relationship advice Animals Cute Cats Friends Transportation Awkward Cars Dogs Money Scams Miscellaneous Kids Drugs Family Public freakouts Cheating Sex Intimacy

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I agree, your life sucks 917

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Today, I was frantically woken up from a nap by my son who was scared because there was a dog in the house. We don't own a dog. It was the new neighbor's dog. When my son opened the door to go play outside, the dog came barreling in. My kid and cats were terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 142

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I agree, your life sucks 35 645

You deserved it 12 474

Today, my mom hosted a high-school reunion. I had to prepare dessert, while my brother cooked dinner. Being the absolute dickhead that he is, he switched the sugar with salt. All the desserts I made tasted like shit, everyone left, and I got grounded for my supposed prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 576

You deserved it 2 417

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 770

You deserved it 3 226

Today, someone asked me a question and I responded with, “What?” They said, “Are you deaf as well as stupid!?” then punched me in the throat. I’m actually hard of hearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 119

Same thing different taste

Poor pillow

No shit

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