Intimacy: Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine...

By hdat - 11/06/2009 17:51 - Canada

Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 942

You deserved it 16 202

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/08/2015 13:26 - United States - Manchester

Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 337

You deserved it 4 027

By frankrizzo - 01/02/2009 17:29 - Canada

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 045

You deserved it 9 043

By human - 21/06/2019 00:01

Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 254

By Anonymous - 10/07/2012 10:03 - United States

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 875

You deserved it 41 383

By idk ask freud - 04/07/2013 04:11 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 758

You deserved it 9 912

By wtfdreams - 17/05/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193 142

You deserved it 50 229

By urgg - 05/09/2010 14:20 - United States

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 915

You deserved it 5 025

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 279

By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 10:03 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 044

You deserved it 2 323

No shit

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 11:00 - Australia - Aspley

Today, I had a dream that I was having one of the best poops of my life. I woke up feeling very content and relaxed, until I rolled over and realised it wasn't a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 229

_Skies 0

Thursday 11 June 2009 23:31

Thinking about them Twinkies again eh?

swirlsofhoney 0

Thursday 11 June 2009 23:29

hey vending machine food is good just not that good...

Comments

dearing94 0

Saturday 26 February 2011 21:22

This definately turned me on.

kookoo831 0

Sunday 27 March 2011 15:51

Hot.

Bullheard 0

Tuesday 6 December 2011 7:35

how much do u weigh?? how fat r u???

termanator20548 0

Saturday 4 February 2012 3:02

That sounds amazing

Tre_morris118 0

Thursday 4 October 2012 3:51

I guess u were eating butterfingers and had to wipe ur hands in ur dream and I guess that that was ur closest towel

Tre_morris118 0

Thursday 4 October 2012 3:53

its called organic food not ORGASMIC lol

Tre_morris118 0

Thursday 4 October 2012 3:54

you took pleasure food to a whole notha level.. O.O was it good tho

_bbybustitopen 9

Sunday 24 February 2013 1:51

lmfaooooo, free food would turn me on too ;) bahahaha.

The_9th_Doctor 18

Saturday 7 September 2013 6:00

this is the oddest post I've ever looked at

XxQuartersxX 14

Saturday 7 September 2013 18:39

Are you like, obese by chance? Lol

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Today, it's Thanksgiving and I've spent the last few days imploring my husband not to antagonize my Trump-loving family by talking about the fact that they didn't look into what tariffs were at the time, and now they might have to close their business. Wish me luck… FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 239

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 865

You deserved it 62 131

The Top

Today, I was at a family party and everyone was seeing my new glasses for the first time. My 48 year old uncle told me that I look like a hot librarian and then grabbed my ass. He was still sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 397

You deserved it 2 959

Today, I moved into my first house and realised pretty quick that my estate agent lied to me about how great this neighbourhood was. I was in the house for 30 minutes when I heard the neighbours having a screaming domestic in their garden, then a brick flew over the fence and broke my eye socket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 124

Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 758

You deserved it 6 298

Today, at a rehearsal, a friend poked me: "My mother is in the orchestra, guess who she is!" I jokingly answer: "Erm…The fat singer?". It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 199

You deserved it 27 284

Today, I got to my weekly drama group a bit late. Everyone looked surprised when I walked in. Casually, I sat down and apologised for being late. I thought everyone looked awkward, probably because it turned out I'd been kicked out of the group. The teacher had decided to announce it before making sure I'd got the email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 082

You deserved it 3 417

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 513

You deserved it 2 738

Same thing different taste

Poor pillow

No shit

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